Replies to 'Abuse'

First on my list would be... go see an attorney familiar with difficult custody cases who knows Texas law.  Usually the first consulation is free.  She needs to bring ALL financial information with her and a list of questions about divorce and custody.  The laws in each jurisdiction vary so your friend needs to see a lawyer in her jurisdiction.  If her hubby is doing cocaine, then she has ALOT going in her favor and any PROOF would even be better.  I suggest she get prepared to insist on drug testing and be willing to be tested herself.  If hubby calls child protective services with a trumped up charge and IF he does this repeatedly, he will be found out and that will NOT go well with any judge.  Making false accusations and/or filing false reports is SERIOUS business.  Also if hubby accuses her of being mentally ill, that is easily refuted -- simply go to your friendly neighborhood psychiatrist or psychologist and get a diagnosis to the contrary.  Just because her hubby has $$ does NOT mean he gets a free ticket to custody but he can make things pretty difficult.  The MAJOR rule for determining who gets custody is who is the PRIMARY CARETAKER.  If that's your friend and she can PROVE it, then she has little to worry about except an ugly custody battle.  I also suggest that she get extra keys to her home because LEGALLY he can not keep her out of "their" property.  The next time he tries this, I suggest that she call the police.  If she wants an equal shot at custody, then, worst case, she needs to be willing to STAY in the home until her divorce and custody agreements are final. There are plenty of books available to help with difficult divorces and the MORE information she has, the better off she will be.  The bottom line is... there is no sure way to prohibit one partner running with or kidnapping a child if they really, really want to.  But there are things you can do to make that more difficult.  Also know that parents who kidnap their children DO get caught and DO GO TO JAIL.  My Ex threatened to take the children out of the country.  So one of the first things I did was make sure I had their passports kept in a safe place BEFORE I left the home and filed for divorce.  By safe place, I mean like a lock box with the key kept at work or with a friend NOT at home in a place where hubby can get the key.  I also had my visitation agreement structured so that he had to ask the court permission to take the children out of the state.  If she has "minimal" income, she may be able to qualify for legal aide -- the number should be in the government pages of the phone book.  If she is saving money, she will need to save or borrow enough for a retainer for her lawyer.  Also if she lives in Texas, that's a community property state, so she will get 1/2 of all assets (houses, cars, boats, RVs, brokerage accounts, 401Ks) and 1/2 of all liabilities (mortgages, loans etc.).  If the house she lives in is worth anything, then she can pay for her divorce with the proceeds from the sale of the house IF her lawyer will agree to that.  Usually lawyers are more than willing to work out a payment plan.  Mine did.  So what she needs BEFORE she leaves, is MORE information and a PLAN.  Q