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Replies to 'Divorce Support'
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July 27, 2005, 11:53 am PDT
 Quote From: scooterpi My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We are both over 40 years of age. During our dating relationship he had a problem keeping his hands off other women (even while I was in his presence). I even caught him in a bar with friends and his hands up a woman's blouse. This finally ended and things were going well so we married. 2 years ago (6 months after we married) he started traveling and only came home everyother weekend. While traveling he began going out with his co-workers (so I'm told) for dinner each evening and would not call me. This went on for 1 year. His comment was it just took so long for them to have their dinner. I later found out he was having liquid dinners and getting drunk. We began having major differences at that time. I expressed how I felt about not being thought about enough to even receive a phone call. The job soon ended and I tried to express to him that we can't go through the same things again. He received another job out of state and left me to sell our home and join him later. Two days after being in the new state he began the same thing. I moved 1 month after he did because it was beginning to appear that he wasn't going to his room at the Inn at night. Last week on his birthday he got drunk and told me if I didn't become more passionate he would divorce me.
I think it is time for a divorce. I do love him very much. He seems to think his behaviors and actions are no big deal and that I should not take them seriously. Please, someone tell me if you also think I am taking the behaviors and actions too seriously. Don't know what the "major differences" are or what "same things" you guys are repeating, but it sounds as though there are some patterns here that would cause ANY partner to be wary.
First is the lack of communication while away on business and the FACT? that he isn't sleeping in his hotel room. Until you have proof of an affair or philandering, my rule is give hubby the benefit of the doubt.
Second, and more alarming, is the drinking. My questions are how much, how often, how does he behave when he's drunk and most important WHY is he drinking until he's drunk? Something is wrong when a person medicates his pain and it's quite possible he isn't being honest about the reasons. Since he expressed a need for more passion, my GUESS is he is dissatisfied but he ain't talkin' (more lack of communication).
I also think that his behaviors/actions ARE a big deal, if to no one but YOU. I do not think you should simply sweep his behavior under the carpet just because HE THINKS they are no big deal. Alcoholics are PROS at denial. And so, I think you should explore what's going on or better yet, BOTH you guys explore this together.
If you guys really care, you will BOTH open up and TALK about the distance in your relationship and how to REALLY bridge the gap or cut the cord.
Alcholism is a deal breaker and consistent broken trusts are also a deal breaker.
Q
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July 28, 2005, 3:12 am PDT
Quote From: scooterpi My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We are both over 40 years of age. During our dating relationship he had a problem keeping his hands off other women (even while I was in his presence). I even caught him in a bar with friends and his hands up a woman's blouse. This finally ended and things were going well so we married. 2 years ago (6 months after we married) he started traveling and only came home everyother weekend. While traveling he began going out with his co-workers (so I'm told) for dinner each evening and would not call me. This went on for 1 year. His comment was it just took so long for them to have their dinner. I later found out he was having liquid dinners and getting drunk. We began having major differences at that time. I expressed how I felt about not being thought about enough to even receive a phone call. The job soon ended and I tried to express to him that we can't go through the same things again. He received another job out of state and left me to sell our home and join him later. Two days after being in the new state he began the same thing. I moved 1 month after he did because it was beginning to appear that he wasn't going to his room at the Inn at night. Last week on his birthday he got drunk and told me if I didn't become more passionate he would divorce me.
I think it is time for a divorce. I do love him very much. He seems to think his behaviors and actions are no big deal and that I should not take them seriously. Please, someone tell me if you also think I am taking the behaviors and actions too seriously.
Was hubby married previously? If so how long, why did they divorce and how long was he single?
His "problem" never really went away. You closed your eyes and he got better at hiding it.
As another member says alcoholics are deep into denial. Drunken demands will not improve your marriage. He thinks sex is the cure. It is NOT. I know because my mother lived this for 40 years.
I think it is at least time for legal counsel so you know where you stand. You cannot love him enough to make him change. HE has to do that. And as Dr P says you are better off healthy alone than sick with someone else.
My favorit Maya Angelou quote-Always believe someone when they show you who they are, because they always show you. |
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February 1, 2008, 2:11 pm PST
Quote From: scooterpi My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We are both over 40 years of age. During our dating relationship he had a problem keeping his hands off other women (even while I was in his presence). I even caught him in a bar with friends and his hands up a woman's blouse. This finally ended and things were going well so we married. 2 years ago (6 months after we married) he started traveling and only came home everyother weekend. While traveling he began going out with his co-workers (so I'm told) for dinner each evening and would not call me. This went on for 1 year. His comment was it just took so long for them to have their dinner. I later found out he was having liquid dinners and getting drunk. We began having major differences at that time. I expressed how I felt about not being thought about enough to even receive a phone call. The job soon ended and I tried to express to him that we can't go through the same things again. He received another job out of state and left me to sell our home and join him later. Two days after being in the new state he began the same thing. I moved 1 month after he did because it was beginning to appear that he wasn't going to his room at the Inn at night. Last week on his birthday he got drunk and told me if I didn't become more passionate he would divorce me.
I think it is time for a divorce. I do love him very much. He seems to think his behaviors and actions are no big deal and that I should not take them seriously. Please, someone tell me if you also think I am taking the behaviors and actions too seriously. What...are you kidding me? I only read to the second line and had to ask "she really didn't marry this guy did she?" Then I read further and to answer your question "You seem to think his behaviors and actions are no big deal and you don't take his actions seriously. Why love someone that much when the love is not returned. Get out now and work on your self. Become confident and self assured and you will find the best guy who will love you for who you are and what the both of you can bring to a union. If you work on your self then when the time is right that special man will come to you and love you without strings. Good luck!!!! |
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