Quote From: dlynne14I was raised to work hard, and earn what I want in life. My husband and I raised our children to do the same. However, my 28 year old daughter has married a man who is 37 and his mother still completely supports him. She bought him a house, a car, furniture, several big boy toys, and I could go on and on. NO he does not work. He has been with my daughter for 3 years and has not earned a dime. He went to school to become a machanic, and graduated 3 months ago. His mother paid for that as well. He has yet to find a job. Talk about spoiled and entitled. If I say a word to my daughter about his work ethic, she will never talk to me again, and keep me from seeing my granddaughter. Sad. Oh yes, my daugther works full time, and does pretty much everything around the house as well. He does play well with my granddaughter. NO he is not her biological father, but she calls him daddy. How do I deal with this situation without anlienating my daugher????
I agree with the other person who responded to your post. There is not much you can do, sorry to say. Your daughter for some reason is in love with this guy, and no matter how old we are, we can all be silly when we're in love. If you nag her or degrade her significant other, she will only get defensive. The positive side to this story is the boyfriend's mother sounds like she'll be footing their bills, not you. Go ahead and let this woman be stupid. She'll only have herself to blame one day.
This doesn't mean you can't casually, some time when you're alone with your daughter, bring up her situation in conversation. Ask her how she's doing, if she feels stressed, why she feels stressed, etc. She'll probably only come up with excuses for her boyfriend being a lazy bum, but talking casually with her about things might eventually get her to realize how foolish she's being.
I had a friend who was in a very similar situation to your daughter. I will admit I was not tactful with my friend. Granted, you have more to lose if your daughter stops talking to you, so I don't suggest you be as abrupt as I was with my friend. I have known this friend since we were 8-years old, and both of us have always been high achievers. She busted her butt going to school for a pharmacy degree, worked as a waitress to pay her tuition, and after five years got a great job that pays $100,000+ per year. Her boyfriend was with her for a little over 10 years, and all those years, no matter how much she struggled and even after she landed her well-deserved dream job, she supported him. She did all the housework (because he said "that's woman's work!"), sent him to school for degrees he never ended up earning, and let him sit around doing nothing. I am lucky this friend still talks to me after some of the things I said to her. So again, this is why you should not be too confrontational with your daughter. What ended up helping my friend was therapy. This boyfriend of hers made her feel so crappy about herself that she ended up with an eating disorder. In a way, that was a good thing, or else she never would have seen a therapist. The therapist, and not me, made her realize she had to break up with this loser and move on. She did just that, and she's been single and very happy, with her own beautiful house, for almost two years. I could not be more proud of her.
The moral of this story is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Give your daughter time, and she will probably realize the error of her ways. It may come at a certain cost, like it did to my friend, but it's better that than her being tied down with this guy for the rest of her life.
