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Replies to '06/06 Big Weight Issues'

 
kleesun
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November 26, 2006, 2:17 pm PST

12/01 Weighty Issues

Quote From: carcrash

I think it is excellent that u lost so much weight  and had the courage , will power and stamina to do it. Fantastic and God bless u. One chapter in your life is now over, so the next chapter has just begun.  You will loose that excess weight and u will  look fantastic and u will feel good, happy, and emotionally as well as mentally you will be on the path to a happy, successful and finally a life u have been dreaming about.  Now as I am writing this to u my life came crashing down a few days ago.  I am 40 pounds overweight I know that is nothing compared to what u have lost but these extra 40 pounds ruined my life.  My husband has been on my back for years telling me to get rid of this extra weight.  Many times I tried, sometimes with success but then the weight would come back on.  after 16 years and three kids my husband had an affair and the woman is now pregnant.  Was the cause of his affair because I didn't try hard enough to loose this 40 pounds?  It is too late now I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life and if this is finally the incentive i have been looking for to really loose these 40 pounds it is tragic for me and for my torn family.

Your weight is not why he had the affair.  It was an excuse for him, but it wasn't the cause.  My mother has gained a lot of weight because of her medications and my father would never look at another woman, no matter how big Mom got.  My brother wouldn't do that to my sister-in-law.  Real men don't cheat on their wives because they don't need to reassure themselves all the time that they're "manly" and "in control" or whatever. 

 

He had an affair to feed his own ego, not because of anything you did or how you look.  If he were strong and self-assured in his own right he wouldn't need to crack the whip over you to make himself feel like a big shot.  If anything, his nagging and disrespect contribute to the problem (they sure don't motivate you to change, right?  It's much harder to lose weight when you feel so badly about yourself).  Do it for you, not for him.  He's not going to help you and he didn't earn the privilege of being seen with you, no matter how good you end up looking.
 
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shnck3511
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Worried

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sad
November 28, 2006, 5:04 pm PST

bad husband

Quote From: carcrash

I think it is excellent that u lost so much weight  and had the courage , will power and stamina to do it. Fantastic and God bless u. One chapter in your life is now over, so the next chapter has just begun.  You will loose that excess weight and u will  look fantastic and u will feel good, happy, and emotionally as well as mentally you will be on the path to a happy, successful and finally a life u have been dreaming about.  Now as I am writing this to u my life came crashing down a few days ago.  I am 40 pounds overweight I know that is nothing compared to what u have lost but these extra 40 pounds ruined my life.  My husband has been on my back for years telling me to get rid of this extra weight.  Many times I tried, sometimes with success but then the weight would come back on.  after 16 years and three kids my husband had an affair and the woman is now pregnant.  Was the cause of his affair because I didn't try hard enough to loose this 40 pounds?  It is too late now I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life and if this is finally the incentive i have been looking for to really loose these 40 pounds it is tragic for me and for my torn family.
  I'm sorry about your husband's affair.  I can't imagine your pain right now.  I have also gained 50lbs since my children and 11years of marriage.  But, guess what????  My husband has gained that much weight as well!  We eat salads, fish, and chicken.  No soda, chips, or cakes in our house and yet we had wt gain.  We walk together and bike together.  We've never used the weight as a weapon in our marriage.    We discuss it,but never fight about it.  Your marriage didn't fall apart because of your weight.  Look at the whole picture.  Were there other signs, such as little "insults" or "comments"  about how you cook, or clean, or drive.....????  ANYTHING???  Maybe he's been abusive all these years and you never realized it until  the affair.   With any luck this girl that is pregnant now will gain 75lb and only loose 10 after the baby.  The best revenge is to live well.  I belong to "CURVES FOR WOMEN'.  Look them up in your town I'm sure you'll find support and a great workout all in one package.  Good luck!
 
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fabof3
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Cheerful

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December 2, 2006, 7:58 am PST

Affair HIS issue

Quote From: carcrash

I think it is excellent that u lost so much weight  and had the courage , will power and stamina to do it. Fantastic and God bless u. One chapter in your life is now over, so the next chapter has just begun.  You will loose that excess weight and u will  look fantastic and u will feel good, happy, and emotionally as well as mentally you will be on the path to a happy, successful and finally a life u have been dreaming about.  Now as I am writing this to u my life came crashing down a few days ago.  I am 40 pounds overweight I know that is nothing compared to what u have lost but these extra 40 pounds ruined my life.  My husband has been on my back for years telling me to get rid of this extra weight.  Many times I tried, sometimes with success but then the weight would come back on.  after 16 years and three kids my husband had an affair and the woman is now pregnant.  Was the cause of his affair because I didn't try hard enough to loose this 40 pounds?  It is too late now I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life and if this is finally the incentive i have been looking for to really loose these 40 pounds it is tragic for me and for my torn family.

Hello!  Just felt the need to interject regarding your post.  First of all, yes you are heading for a very long road here with your current situation; it is hard on the entire family.  I urge you do not beat yourself up with your husband having an affair.  I have been in your shoes, my husband had many, many affairs, now let me just tell you I believe that an affair has absolutely NOTHING to do with YOU!! NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX, OR HOW YOU LOOK!!  I know you want to blame yourself and you are thinking that if I just would have.... he would not have had an affair... WRONG!!  His affair is his issue he has something inside of him, a void that he is trying to fill!!  I am glad that you can look at this as an incentive to loose your weight, but do it for you!!  Please do not blame yourself, I am a very well built woman and was a very good wife to my ex husband, I love sex, love my body… he still cheated, I blamed myself and began to trade my soul to him and Begged him to work it out with me... UGGG What was I thinking?  Don’t let this man of yours destroy the beautiful woman that you are!!  Fall back in love with yourself!!  Let your beauty shine, and please know that it is NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE... PUT IT BACK ON HIM, HIS ISSUE NOT YOURS!!! 

 
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flrat69
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Weird

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December 4, 2006, 8:43 am PST

A Male Point of View

Quote From: carcrash

I think it is excellent that u lost so much weight  and had the courage , will power and stamina to do it. Fantastic and God bless u. One chapter in your life is now over, so the next chapter has just begun.  You will loose that excess weight and u will  look fantastic and u will feel good, happy, and emotionally as well as mentally you will be on the path to a happy, successful and finally a life u have been dreaming about.  Now as I am writing this to u my life came crashing down a few days ago.  I am 40 pounds overweight I know that is nothing compared to what u have lost but these extra 40 pounds ruined my life.  My husband has been on my back for years telling me to get rid of this extra weight.  Many times I tried, sometimes with success but then the weight would come back on.  after 16 years and three kids my husband had an affair and the woman is now pregnant.  Was the cause of his affair because I didn't try hard enough to loose this 40 pounds?  It is too late now I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life and if this is finally the incentive i have been looking for to really loose these 40 pounds it is tragic for me and for my torn family.
If you haven't, then read faboa3's message.  She is exactly right.  Difficult though it may be, pick your head up and walk tall.  Your husband should be hanging his head, not you.  If you lose the weight, do it for YOU.
 
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