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Replies to 'Pornography'
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November 27, 2006, 2:27 am PST
 Quote From: survivor43 First of all, when I responded earlier I made an assumption about other people's opinions which I shouldn't have made and I apologize for that. In particular, it's obvious to me that it's the sexual fantasies in our brains that are the driving force behind our sexual behavior, whether it's looking at porn or acting out the fantasies in real life. In turn, what we see in porn and experience in real life gets embedded back into our brains. After thinking about this further, I can see how others might not agree with my view. In any event, I expressed myself poorly. Now, back to the real topic here, you had asked "Can he be trusted?". I was trying to say that he can't be trusted because once a man gets sexual fantasies inside his brain those fantasies never leave and are the driving force behind his behavior. Multiple sexual partners are very common in porn. Clearly your boyfriend is determined to act out his multiple partner fantasies with or without your consent and even with or without you. My point was that although he might seem repentant now and not talk about this for a while, he won't ever actually let go of wanting to have multiple partner sex. And I completely agree with what kimikomine said. I would think a fantasy is not something that necessarily needs to be lived out, although it most likely would be nice. I also believe a lot of fantasies come from "the forbidden" territory and the more something has to be obtained "on the sneak" or "go out of the way for it" the more tantalizing it becomes. Fantasy after all is what could be, right? I mean, a husband might not fantasize about being with his wife because he has already done that and knows what to expect. Its curiousity thrown in with forbidden that makes something more desirable, right?
I would think the best way to eliminate a fantasy is to go through with it instead of just thinking about it. Some people think threesomes are so taboo that it could never happen to them which is why they dwell in the fantasy......if they just had the darn threesome, even a few times if thats what is needed for the experience, just do it...........then the drive won't be so strong and the fantasy is no longer a fantasy but reality and they can go on with their lives. The problem with that is when two people are involved, one person might not like the fact that their s/o wants to explore this and get upset with them and hurt.
That's why its good to do these things when solo so as not to drag other people through your fantasies. Live them and then a person can move on and have a relationship not based on need and fantasy but experience and wisdom. I also think a lot of people really "don't" want the fantasy to come to reality because then what? Life would be boring.......sex.....not as exciting. Porn keeps sex interesting to people because they can live in a world of "what ifs" creating a sense of excitement where there is a void, a boredom.
I think it is safe to say that when we see or think of someone or something that triggers a sexual or intimate feeling, it is there for us to see what we lack or need in our lives. Once the sexual feeling passes, that thing is usually not in our minds, until the next time. With porn and lust for some its not a past time but something that they depend on for sexual stimulation and intimacy. This is a relationship. It doesn't have to be a real person, porn has the attention that a lover would and this is what offends most women. They/I get upset that porn is able to take the place of us, of what we got to offer, and it is difficult to be compassionate sexually with someone that is sexual with someone/something else.
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