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qqqhhh
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July 27, 2005, 11:15 am PDT

My opinion...

Quote From: smcdaniel

My husband and I love each other very much and have a wonderful relationship.  We have no trouble communicating, no real issues, nothing is wrong.

 

We were talking the other morning in bed before we got up, and my husband said that sometimes when we have sex, he thinks about other women.  No one woman in particular, and it's not all the time, but I was very surprised by this.  I have no problem with him looking at pornography occasionally; I understand that this is just another sexual outlet and it doesn't bother me at all.  But to think about someone else while we are actually having sex? 

 

He says it means nothing and that it's normal; that all guys do this sometimes.  Is that right?

Even though I can say that I am not the most experienced partner in the bedroom, I've been married 3 times and all have said they fantasize about other women and sometimes about other men -- if you want to get really honest.

 

In my current marriage, I was also surprised to find out that my hubby's many past girlfriends ALSO fantasized about other people INCLUDING women.

 

I also could care less about porn.  I fully understand that porn is ALSO fantasy and it is NO reflection of me or who I am.

 

So I choose not to take any sexual fantasy personally.

 

I also fully believe in trusting my partner and giving him the benefit of the doubt.  He has given me NO reason not to trust him.  If my hubby says that a fantasy during sex means nothing, then I TRUST HIM to mean what he says.

 

Personally, I would RATHER he be completely honest with me than keep any secrets, you know?

 

Q
 
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warmjersey
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July 27, 2005, 8:42 pm PDT

Fantasizing

Quote From: smcdaniel

My husband and I love each other very much and have a wonderful relationship.  We have no trouble communicating, no real issues, nothing is wrong.

 

We were talking the other morning in bed before we got up, and my husband said that sometimes when we have sex, he thinks about other women.  No one woman in particular, and it's not all the time, but I was very surprised by this.  I have no problem with him looking at pornography occasionally; I understand that this is just another sexual outlet and it doesn't bother me at all.  But to think about someone else while we are actually having sex? 

 

He says it means nothing and that it's normal; that all guys do this sometimes.  Is that right?

For me, this is normal.

 

I've been reading about the women on these boards indicating that sex should be ONLY about them. ie - "my partner should be focussed only on me".  And I was wondering what their spouses are REALLY thinking during the deed.  And what spouse would admit to thinking of anything else.

 

But when it's my turn, and I'm ready to explode - my mind does wander, for a few moments.  When the intensity subsides, I come back to reality, my wife.  Hopefully we are both content and happy to cuddle.

 

This fantisizing seems to happen primarily in the missionary position,  When she is on top, the focus reamins on her.  Maybe that indicates that the woman needs to be an active participant.

 
 
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mousey
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September 16, 2005, 11:19 pm PDT

Thinking Of Someone Else?

Quote From: smcdaniel

My husband and I love each other very much and have a wonderful relationship.  We have no trouble communicating, no real issues, nothing is wrong.

 

We were talking the other morning in bed before we got up, and my husband said that sometimes when we have sex, he thinks about other women.  No one woman in particular, and it's not all the time, but I was very surprised by this.  I have no problem with him looking at pornography occasionally; I understand that this is just another sexual outlet and it doesn't bother me at all.  But to think about someone else while we are actually having sex? 

 

He says it means nothing and that it's normal; that all guys do this sometimes.  Is that right?

  I wouldn't worry about your husband thinking about other women while having sex with you.  I really believe that most men do.  I am a 39 year old woman and I think about other men and some times women while having sex with my husband.  It seems perfectly normal to me.  My husband wont admit it but I know he does the same thing.  We both enjoy porn (not to any extreme) and often watch it before sex.  I also am not to shy to masterbate when needed.  Some times there isn't enough time in the day for us to really enjoy sex.  I work 3rd shift & he works 1st. We also have a 9 year old son & my Mother lives with us.  I say what ever makes you happy cant be to bad.  That's my opinion. Barb
 
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beachgurl
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October 21, 2006, 3:15 pm PDT

Is This Normal?

Quote From: smcdaniel

My husband and I love each other very much and have a wonderful relationship.  We have no trouble communicating, no real issues, nothing is wrong.

 

We were talking the other morning in bed before we got up, and my husband said that sometimes when we have sex, he thinks about other women.  No one woman in particular, and it's not all the time, but I was very surprised by this.  I have no problem with him looking at pornography occasionally; I understand that this is just another sexual outlet and it doesn't bother me at all.  But to think about someone else while we are actually having sex? 

 

He says it means nothing and that it's normal; that all guys do this sometimes.  Is that right?

My husband and I have been married for 13 years and I adore him and he does me!  I often wonder if he does the same thing!!!  I find magazines hid in his truck with some pretty weird titles! I did ask about them a while ago and he said that they just pass things like that around at work! He works on high line wires with a bunch of guys!  I would hope that when he is actually with me he would be thinking about me!!???!!! 
 
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ricks_girl
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May 23, 2007, 10:05 pm PDT

Is This Normal

Quote From: smcdaniel

My husband and I love each other very much and have a wonderful relationship.  We have no trouble communicating, no real issues, nothing is wrong.

 

We were talking the other morning in bed before we got up, and my husband said that sometimes when we have sex, he thinks about other women.  No one woman in particular, and it's not all the time, but I was very surprised by this.  I have no problem with him looking at pornography occasionally; I understand that this is just another sexual outlet and it doesn't bother me at all.  But to think about someone else while we are actually having sex? 

 

He says it means nothing and that it's normal; that all guys do this sometimes.  Is that right?

I dont know if this is normal or not. I dont see all guys do it sometimes as a justified answer. What I am curious about is to why he would tell you such a thing. If he was doing this, telling you could do nothing more than hurt your feelings, or make you feel bad. I know I would be upset if my husband told me he was thinking of other women when he is with me. Sex is a gift from God to a husband and wife. It is not ok to think of someone else while making love with your spouse.
 
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ricks_girl
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May 23, 2007, 10:06 pm PDT

Is This Normal

Quote From: smcdaniel

My husband and I love each other very much and have a wonderful relationship.  We have no trouble communicating, no real issues, nothing is wrong.

 

We were talking the other morning in bed before we got up, and my husband said that sometimes when we have sex, he thinks about other women.  No one woman in particular, and it's not all the time, but I was very surprised by this.  I have no problem with him looking at pornography occasionally; I understand that this is just another sexual outlet and it doesn't bother me at all.  But to think about someone else while we are actually having sex? 

 

He says it means nothing and that it's normal; that all guys do this sometimes.  Is that right?

I dont know if this is normal or not. I dont see all guys do it sometimes as a justified answer. What I am curious about is to why he would tell you such a thing. If he was doing this, telling you could do nothing more than hurt your feelings, or make you feel bad. I know I would be upset if my husband told me he was thinking of other women when he is with me. Sex is a gift from God to a husband and wife. It is not ok to think of someone else while making love with your spouse.
 
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