Replies to 'Where Should Your Child Sleep?'

We put him in his bed at night but he always comes in overnight but the difference for me is my hubby is okay with it.  I agree that they are young and need us as parents but I wonder why he doesn't feel secure enough to stay in his bed all night and have tried to help him with this.  I love the closeness that we (hubby and I) have with our son.  I love waking up in the morning with him in our bed -- it is a wonderful feeling but I don't know that I could let it continue if my hubby did not agree. 

  

I don't know that I would say either of you (you and hubby) are wrong but I know that you need to come to an agreement as it isn't good to argue about and in front of your son.  You two need to discuss this and other child situations ahead of time to see what page you are each on.  This will help to avoid future arguments over how to raise your child. 

  

Good luck and hang in there! 

How parents raise their children I believe is solely up to them but I believe the husband and wife need to be ina greement on most things when it comes t parenting, for children will pick up on tension, disagreements and can learn to play parents against another, I think the two of you need to sit down together and come up with a game plan that will work for both of you. Marriage is about two people and you do become as one, ther has to be a solution but only the two of you can come up with whatever it may be. I personally do not like the co sleeping thing though it does happen on accasions, I love my children dearly but I am thankful that I have two little ones who do not have a problem sleeping in their own beds but yet feels comfortable in knowing that mommy and daddy are there for them and available, you can have the best of both worlds if you work together at it. I strongly believe that the marital relationship is very imporant and every effort possible must be made to make the relationship work, if one is uncomfortable with a situation, then the other needs to help figure out a solution, after all, it is a marriage and I surley wouldn't such a petty thing to come in between my relationship, I say you both need to communicate and work together here.

Co-sleeping is the norm throughout the world and throughout history. There is nothing wrong with having your children sleep with you. In fact, in most places thoughout the world they can't believe that this is even an issue with some people. Name me one other mammal mother that doesn't sleep with it's young. People need to realize that this type of parenting dilemma is really not a right or wrong issue (if it's done safely) but a cultural preference. And your husband unfortunately has gotten the eroneous idea that co-sleeping makes a child more dependent when in my experience (and the experience of the vast majority of the rest of the world) has been the polar opposite. When a child has their dependency needs met early on, they are ready to move on to independence at a much earlier age, and it is a true independence. When you push a child away, they will only cling tighter to you. I think it is incredibly ironic that your husband values independence so much and yet he wants to push your son out of your bed prematurely, and the result will almost certainly be clingy, dependent behavior and an anxious attachment.  

  

People might get their babies to "sleep through the night" at six months, but I can almost guarentee you they will be back as soon as you take that crib down. You can baby the baby, or you can baby the toddler. My first child asked for her own bed at 3 years old and was perfectly content to sleep it on her own from then on, no nightmares, no monsters in the closet, etc. The "experts" are wrong, listen to your heart, you know your child the best. I recommend reading "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr. Sears and "Mothering and Fathering: Gender Differences in Parenting." They are wonderful books, perhaps if you could get your husband to read them.... I think the key really is communication with your husband and educating him. Once he can understand that this will help your son develop emotionally and become more independent, he will probably relax and come on board with you. Good luck to you, I hope you can find a solution that works for your whole family. If your husband absolutely won't change his mind, and remains stubborn, perhaps you could consider a mattress on the floor of your room for your son? Good luck. 

  

  

  

If your husband has such a big problem with it, it may be to your advantage to at least try to get him to sleep alone.  Trust me, he'll be fine and so will you, but it might take some adjusting on both of your parts.  Make a plan with your husband, when, how much, etc your son will sleep alone.  I doubt you want your husband to begin to feel resentful.  Your child can still be independent when he's older even if he sleeps with you, but you may want to begin to teach him that it's ok to sleep alone now.  I had a lot of sleep issues with my daughter (she's 14 month now) and it seemed like she rejected the crib from the first day we brought her home.  I liked having her sleep with me, but I needed to wean her (still working on that) and I needed my rest (still working on that too) and that was next to impossible with her next to me in bed.  It took a lot of trial and error to get her to sleep alone for any length of time, but the longer you wait the harder it may be.  One more thing - whatever you do, don't feel guilty about it!  It will be good for your son in the long run.  You are teaching him to have good sleep habits for the rest of his life.  Kids can sense when you feel bad about something and he may make a negative association with sleeping alone.  There is a book I want to recommend to you - "The No Cry Sleep Method" by Elizabeth Pantley.  It had a lot of good suggestions.  In the end I did have to let my daughter cry some, but she ended up crying for about 5 minutes and then she was out like a light.  I could deal with 5 minutes.  :)  Good Luck!

My daughter is 2+. She has slept with me since day one. the nurses had to pry her out my arms at night in the hospital so I could rest. My situation is a little different though. My husband works in the construction world so he is home 3 to 4 days a month, depending on where he is located. When he is home for that one weekend, my daughter falls asleep with us then when I'm sure she's asleep I transfer her to her bed. I hate sleeping without her, I wake up in the middle of the night looking for her. So I don't see anything wrong with it, but I know alot of people who think I am crazy for this also.  I have also read that putting your children in a room by themselves and let them cry will cause dependecy issues later on. Now if there is any truth to it I don't know. I say do what works for you. If it bothers your husband so much, try letting him fall asleep with you then putting him in his bed. Then everybody will be happy. It works for me.    

                        Sweet Dreams- Jessica