Replies to '03/23 Homework Hell'

 I do not think other people should judge parents who get fustrated over homework issues without knowing what's going on.. 

When Julia first started school, I allowed her to play for  about  45 minutes after school, then she was to start her homework.  That didn't work for us.  She would want to play and not start her work at all.  So, I went for completing her homework right after school.  I am still having problems getting to even start the homowrk process.  Julia is smart, and it's fustrating that she doesn't allow herself to show how smart she is.  I get fustrated with her because she never wants to complete ANY TASKS.  I mean any!  Homework, chores, classwork, help with something as siple as getting something for me, all these things she manipulates herself out of doing.  Brilliant, yes she is.  She's the only 11  year old I know that can manipulate an adult.   And let me explain something to you, She has problems that have been addressed, it is her personalitly that allows her to act stupid and remain stupid.  I say this because she has been informed by several people that because she isn't showing her true potential, others wil judge her as she gets older as stupid.  And you and I know that is true.  My daughter isn't stupid, she just acts it.  I hate it when she does that.  It fustrates me because I know she is so much more than that.  I think that's why parents call their kids stupid, not because they really think they are, it's because the kids mask how smart they really are, and the parents get fustrated at them.  I'm not saying it's right, I am just explaining why I think it happens.  And that's why others should not be so quick to judge.  I can teach all my other children and help them with homework no problem.  Julia is just manipulaing and headstrong.  Julia does what she wants, even when I put my foot down.  She doesn't care if you punish her or take things away. She's not interested in award or rewards.  I do get help with her, but even the professional have problems getting Julia motovated.  So, it's not just me.  I donot nitpick her.  I do explain to her that if she has problems not understanding something, to complete whatever is easy first, then I will try to help her.  When I try to help her, she shuts down, whines, doesn't pay attention, etc.  I get fustrated with her so easily.  She doesn't even to to act like she's paying attention.  She doesn't show interest in what she's supposed to learn.

Do you think it should take an 11 year old 2 and a half hours to write 10 spelling words 10 times each?  Let me tell you, she comes home with first grade words, like cat and bat.  So I think she should be done within 15-20 min. 

Julia is in Special Education because she doesn't show her true potential.  She has a Behavior Specialist, a TSS worker, a therapist, so the help is there, she refuses to use the resources she has available. 

Oh yeah, we have tried putting her on meds, but she decided she didn't want to take them, so she talked with a friend about it.  Her friend taught her how to vomit her meds.  When I found out, I started putting it in her foods and drink, but she would sometimes give her little borthers or sister her food or drink.  So, I couldn't do that anymore. 

I am not the type of person that expects her to get all a's.  I expect her to try her best.  I do not think other people should judge parents who get fustrated over homework issues without knowing what's going on.. 

I cant agree with you more about this particular mother on the show.

I have a 11 year old daughter and she has a hard time learning how to do word math problems and other subjects as well. She has to go to another teacher (during school) like a tutoring class for her. The school provides this free of charge to kids having trouble in certain areas of curiculum. And the teaching happens during school hours (Ex.: instead of having her home room teacher for reading, math, or english, she goes to another teacher that explains it in terms she can understand). My daughter ISNT dumb, or has ADHD or anything of the like, she just has a time understanding certain things and needs help(especially with certain money problems). She is a A & B student, and like many of us when we were in school, has trouble in certain subjects( mine was math, I HATED IT). I dont hound her like a drill sergant saying "That is WRONG change it", she has to learn certain things by her mistakes. But by calling the child names like "lazy" and  the like ISNT going to help them at all and agree that is mental cruelity as well. That will have the child thinking he/she IS worthless and the child needs to learn just as we did when we were in school. Some children catch on more quickly then others, some needs a bit extra help.

The way we agree on the homework after school is this:

She comes home from school, she does her homework, gets the mail and other chores she has to do, then her "fun" time begins(like going on the internet, playing her video games and such).  Most of the time she only has reading and does that on the bus(its a good 30-45 min. bus ride with the route her bus driver takes even though its ONLY in town) but there has been many of times where she has ALOT of homework and I ALWAYS let her have a break. Even if its when we eat or when she gets frustrated cause she doesnt understand a particular problem/subject. I always keep scrap paper on hand for math problems that should arise and explain it the best way I can to her (I let her write it out and such), then explain step by step how to do the problem. Usually that works. Or she will do it they way her teacher taught her how( sometimes I even have trouble understanding certain ones and she explains it to me on how to do it).  About her report cards, she has occasionally had C's (which she does try her best at to bring them up and most of the time she has) I also told her D's she'll have to try harder and study more, F's (which I havent even seen one yet) but if the case should arise, she will have to buckle down. I dont yell at my child and always help her with her homework but i do know she has to make certain mistakes in order to learn.  I offer my help on her homework sometimes she even tells me"No thanks mom I know how to do it" and I let her go, but she KNOWS help is here when needed. I dont yell at her (and I have NO intention either) she is learning new things just like when we were in school when the subject we were learning was new to us.

The mother on the show should wake up and realize her own problem instead calling her own flesh and blood "lazy".

To the poster I have quoted:  Congrats on the SUCCESS of ur son. You have found the right help on his way to success. And I wish him luck in the future :)