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December 3, 2006, 12:01 pm PST
Jaimie
Quote From: jaimie1974Toxic Parents is a very helpful guide. I have read that one and also Toxic In-Laws, because I had the bad habit of trying to make everyone else happy. I ended up being miserable, and no one was ever happy anyway. Both of these books were helpful for me to learn how to set those personal boundaries and enforce them. It is really great that you have done this for yourself, this is a huge step in the right direction! Why do you keep going back for more? Because the magical thinking part of your brain keeps waiting for them to magically change, somehow, into being more interested in you as a person, to care more and truly want to know you. But who knows if they ever will? They sound like self centered people. I know it hurts because these are your family members, but family or not, you cant allow yourself to be constantly disrespected. You arent going to change them, they have to want to change. They have to want to accept happiness in their lives, but so far, they are only interested in gossip and dysfunction. I TOTALLY agree with your assessment. It is a wish and hope that they will magically change and accept us, and that they will someday be a normal loving family. That is what probably keeps all of us trapped in this cycle of abuse. This dysfunction keeps me from living my life to the fullest and I think that failure, may be the twisted goal of many a toxic parent. They are so insecure with themselves that a successful child is a threat to them. They have found a great way to sabatoge our futures (if we let them), raise emotionally dependant children and then push their buttons at will. Hummmmm. I don't think I want to play that game anymore! I am glad to have found this website and that I have been able to benefit from some of the advice given here, and also to see that I am not alone in my frustration. I am also very lucky to have a wonderful Husband that supports me and helps me keep sane. For those of you that don't have anyone, please find a supportive friend or support group to help keep you headed in a healthy direction, you are worth it! To Jaimie, I have read your posts here and on other threads, they seem to be very helpful and healthy answers, Thanks. One day at a time.
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