Replies to '12/08 Out-of-Control Husbands'

I believe once a cheater-always a cheater

I've been married to the same man for 8 years now, and from what I have read earlier it sounds like my life. Except where she said she has gotten divorced- I haven't. I believe my husband has anger issues. He is verbally abusive (even though he doesn't see it). He isn't physically abusive but somedays I wonder if he will lose control. I do fear for myself. We have 6 children (2 which aren't his) and he has never showed any signs of this angry behavior towards any of them. Its all aimed at me. Most of the time I do walk on eggshells or as he puts it I hide in my turtle shell. He gets mad at me because I don't know how to talk to him. I'm afraid any little thing will set him off. So by not talking to him I also cause trouble. I feel like a teenager who is constantly being criticized. My cleaning efforts or child rearing or it could be just about anything are never to his standards. Our children range in ages from 17 to almost 2 years old. So I haven't  worked much over this time frame. I do believe money does put stress on marriages and he feels that brunt of the relationship. He has worked almost solely by himself to support this family. So I try really hard to understand why he is angry sometimes. I can make up a million excuses for his behavior also. But there are times when I am tired of being called stupid or idiot or whatever other ugly word comes out of his mouth. The other thing I hate is when something happens its my fault. His car which I don't drive could get a flat tire and it would be my fault. Stuff like that really stresses me. I usually wait around to see what kind of mood he wakes up to before I try to tell him something or try to figure out how I should act in front of him.

There came a time here not too long ago where I thought of leaving him which made me so sad I couldn't think. But for once he did apologize which doesn't happen often. I'm not even sure where I am going with this- I just know that from reading on here so many emotions came out. You see- I am the oldest of 4 in my family. So all my younger siblings look up to me. No one knows what my life is like. And I guess what sucks most of all is that I can give out the advice; I just can't follow it for myself.  So I guess I can't really comment now.

I have watched Breaking Bonaduce and its really tough sometimes. (very emotional)

Danny I believe in you. Anyone can see that you do love Gretchen. Your addiction controls  you and once you change that I believe you can make things work.