Replies to '12/08 Out-of-Control Husbands'

I agree that one cannot simply quit an addiction...nice thought, but just doesn't happen.

I am so sorry that you lost your dad.  I hope you will do everything in your power to not end up like him...stay completely away from the drugs and alcohol.  I know you are hurting, but talking with somebody will help a lot more than substance abuse.

Good luck

You have my deepest condolescence, young lady. I don't have to tell you that this is a very devastating time for you. I did not mean to sound insensitive on my first post. Please, forgive me.

You do not say whether your father had been involved in any support group at any time during his 16 years of drinking. Nor, do you say if you or any family member had ever been involved in a support group.

I just want to clarify something that you probably took the wrong way. Maybe it'll shed some light for you and maybe it'll ease some of that emotional pain you've got to be enduring. I am a social worker and specialize in working with young people (runaway program and foster care). Well, I use to. I'm also a substitute teacher. I love being in the classroom setting, but I gave that up also.

I got involved with Alcoholics Anonymous 39 month ago after 2 drunk driving incidents within 18 month apart. I drank for over 5 decades until I finally got caught. I didn't know I was an alcoholic until I got involved with A.A. I, like your father, "gave away" a lot of things, job, driver's license. That's right, I gave it away, my house, my car. There were fines to pay, probation, substance abuse classes. There was shame, humiliation, and a sense of failure that I felt. I was angry and very resentful. I didn't lose my wife, however. She died in 1996 from a progressive fatal disease. I drank very heavily after that. I was so blind by my drinking that I didn't even know that my 22 year old son was heavily into cocaine!

Drinking can be a very powerful substance and can very well play on a person's mind and can mentally blind you. If you let it. But, I'd reached a decision that I was not gonna let this booze thing get to me anymore. I didn't know it at the time but GOD lead me to Alcoholics Anonymous. And, you know what? A.A. got me very close to GOD. No joking! GOD give me strength, guidance and support through prayer. It can work for you also.

They say that alcoholism is also a "family" disease and you were greatly affected by it. It is not difficult to get support when you are an alcoholic. Please, believe me. In fact, it is not hard for a family member to get help and that is through Al-anon and Al-anon for teens. You are dealing with the recent suicide of your alcoholic father which, as you already know, only deepens and compounds the pain.

I strongly urge you to get yourself involved in a support group, be it Al-anon or a support group for survivors of suicide victim or both. I know you probably won't believe what I'm gonna say,  but you have a very profound story to share that other people need to hear. You can teach others, especially young people, by your own actual experience. It is easy to speak from the heart. This can be a healing process for you. You, like all other A.A. members and al-anon members, must learn to live your life "One Day At  A Time".  It does work!

They also say that GOD has a plan for all of us. What you have gone through in your young life just might be your calling from GOD! If that is so, than maybe the tragic death of your father will not have been in vain.

Once again, you have my sympathy. I will pray for you. Let me know how it turns out. Please?