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September 13, 2005, 4:13 pm PDT
General Advice
Quote From: jph948We have a 23 year old son who doesn't want to work. We set him up in an apt, furnished it and paid his rent & utilities for the next 2 years to allow him time to "find himself." We said he should use the time to get a good job, save some money and work toward a career. Now that he is set up, he refuses to get a job. He has a ton of excuses for not even looking and apparantly feels we will support him forever. He says we should send him to college full-time but has no clue as to his major. We got him a great job selling insurance, but he blew it off. He is lazy, immature and has low self-esteem. Now he is using us and says that he has 2 years to figure out his life. We say he has to act now. He figures we won't let him starve. But maybe we should if it forces him to get a job. Any suggestions? I would advise you to quit helping him NOW. Remind him that you have taken care of him for the next two years and you have no more to give, that it is now up to him to help himself, He is 23 years old and it is time for all of you to step up to the plate and take some responsibility, you and his father need to quit giving him hand outs and he needs to be an adult. I think you have done enough to bail this kid out. Remember, we teach people how to treat us, so if you want him to keep using and manipulating you then keep doing what you are doing, otherwise, Make him step up to the plate, good grief, unlike most of us in this world, he has no responsibilities when it comes to the cost of living, Let him fall on his face a few times. If he wants to college, then he needs to get a job and pay his own way, it isn't like he has to pay for anything else and there are also grant programs and student loans that he can get, the key is to get him to stand on his own and sometimes that means "tough love."
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