Quote From: daylily43Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. As someone who has worked for many years in the criminal justice system, I know how often that sort of deplorable oversight happens. The system is simply not equipped, through resources or staff, to handle the mental and emotional needs of everybody in it.
Please know, too, that you were not responsible for notifying the authorities. Hindsight is 20/20, and I'm sure you believe the signals were much clearer than in fact they were. Also, most correctional facilities have clear policies on suicide watch and prevention. It is likely that if your son had asked for help, he would at least have received monitoring to prevent him from acting on his mood.
None of this helps, I know. But please know that at least one person read your post and is pulling for you. Please be kind and patient with yourself.
My husband committed suicide on May 26, 2002, a day after calling me to let me know he arrived safely at our cabin. I have lived with the guilt of ignoring his calls for help, blaming it on the PTSD he experienced from Vietnam. He even woke me in the night 2 weeks before telling me he didn't know how much longer he could hold on. He saw his psych Dr that week and had his medications changed. I lost my son to an accidental prescription drug overdose one year later. I have one son living, who suffered brain damage as a child and has turned to Meth since finding his brother (best friend) dead. I often have wondered how our perfect happy family has come to this. I am only now getting to a place where I feel I deserve happiness and strive each day to look for the positive. I have been so consumed by my loneliness and grief that I have failed to value myself. I search my soul daily for the power to continue my upward climb. I finally realize I am still here and they are not coming back, but will remain with me forever in my heart. My hope is that I and everyone in this position can find the way up again.
Blessings and hope to all.
