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Replies to '12/04 Heroin Twins: The Intervention, Part 3'
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December 8, 2006, 7:16 pm PST
 Quote From: loneillstar My ex-husband (father of four of my children) Is currently in active addiction and has been since our divorce in 1998. At the time of our divorce the kids were, 10,9,8,& 5 years old. His contact has always been speratic ( we didn't hear from him for 2 years at one point) he is usually under the influence when he does call, and every time he does talk to them he makes empty and broken promises. I have always been honest with my children, never bad-mouthing their father. (no matter how much he irritated me) I did let him talk to them and see them whenever he wanted. As much as it hurt to see them heartbroken and dissapointed, I needed to let them talk to & see him for him and not what I wanted them to see him to be. I made sure their safety was my first priority so I chose safe neutral family members for him to see them at their place. He has bad-mouthed me to them and tried to blame me for the limited contact but they knew better. I did not feed into it and continued to allow him to talk to them no matter what he sounded like when he called. When they got off the phone or after a visit my children may have acted differently as a response the their dissapointment. I just held them, told them I loved them and that in his own way, their father loved them too. My children are now, 18, 17, 16, & 12 years old. They respect me for NEVER keeping them from their father. They do not believe one word their father says so they are less heartbroken and dissapointed. I come out to be the "good guy". I was kept from my father and lost respect for my mother as a result of it. It was not easy all of these years, but I did for my kids. I had a lot of people telling me I was wrong but my kids do not think that at all. your 8 year old girl WILL resent you if you get in the way. Just make sure she is safe and that she knows she can confide in you when she is dissapointed by her mother (because she will be). Do not feed into the mothers negativity. Be better than that. I guarrentee, the child will eventually figure it out. God bless you, Lonnie O'Neill I totally see your point, but after the loss of 7 children and no contact with them what is the constant connection to this child we have? I just have stomach cramps by the stuff that this child has been exposed to and talks of. I don't know of any 8 year olds that know as much about what we as adults do and this is based on what she has been exposed to. How is seeing her mother all doped up even supervised going to benefit her in the long run. She has lost 7 kids from her addiction and lack of parenting. How can we expose her to this over and over and not have this have an effect on her from the things she sees. Any suggestions? mISHCHUSKA |
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