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Replies to 'Pornography'
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December 10, 2006, 7:13 am PST
 Quote From: hawaiiangirl Hello, well aim not sure how you all feel about this. But i been married for 11years i have 5 children raging from 11years to 4months old. I still trying to figure out what is so great about porn. what aim doing so wrong that my husband has to go and look at someone else..I give him sex and other things that he want so please tell me what aim doing wrong.I told him how I feel about him looking and doing more. But it just doesn't help.I don't know how to make my self not feel hurt .The problem is Aim starting to hate him. I talk to a friend about this and she said that aim just feel blue after having a baby she just don't understand it been going on for a long time. I know i should just let it go but i cant. Its what he look at that hurt me..you see i don't have the body that he likes..He like them bodybuilders and I dont have that can of body.It makes me feel bad about myself..Iam trying to lose the weight that i put on from having children.But it doesn't help when i know he is looking at them girl and i know what he is doing . The hard part is he tells me that all man do it. but I dont belive that. What can I do ? Can anyone help me ? First of all if you've expressed, hopefully calmly, how this hurts you and he's not caring or listening.....then that is the problem....over and above the actual porn use. Having his children and being married should mean that he would care about your feelings because you should be the number one concern in his life. You are his wife, that's not just chump change!!!!
You are NOT wrong to feel as you do. Millions of women feel like this, AND this is not normal actions of a man who is happily married. So don't believe that. What you do have to do is really communicate with him on this....calmly and with assurance that your stand is not abnormal or wrong...in other words with confidence. You have a lot on your plate....so does he. This might be his escape from stress....and you should hear him if that's the case. He might be missing some of the things you two used to be able to do once in a while. But I assure you this is NOT just about your looks or having babies either.
Do you date, go out or at least take time to be without the kids? Even every other week? Do you initiate sex with him? Does he feel like the last thing on the "list of duties"? AND YES, I can imagine how hard all this is with five children....especially having a little baby too. BUT....there is hope and there is change that is available to you and your marriage. First get assertive with yourself.....be honest about that....and see what YOU can do with the power you have over Yourself......change begins with in US....not the other person. So by being open to his reasons without getting upset or angry.....hear him. Sit down with him and just ask what you both can do to improve your marriage. Set aside time for yourself to take care of YOU. If you need outside help...sitters, family.....then arrange these things so that you have the time to devote to rekindling your love life. And sometimes it's NOT just about the number of times you have sex with him....so much as it is about HOW that sex got started. If he's "asking" for it and feels it's a bother to you.....then that's not good.
Talk to him....and do NOT begin to think your marriage is over and done. Think of this as a way to know him better and he to know you better. Share with him calmly and straight how this is and will continue to damage you as his wife and mother to his kids...and HE should care abou t that first and foremost.
Luv~ Welcome to the board. |
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