Replies to 'How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship'

My husband and I have been together for 27 years.  I beleive that porn is a form of adultry.  I feel that it changes a person's view of intimacy and sexuality.  I feel that one who uses this avenue of sexuality regularly changes their attitude toward intimate relationships in various detrimental ways.  Sex becomes an animalistic instinct with no human intelligence or intimate feelings.  I warned my husband right away in our relationship that I consider porn a form of adultry and an avenue to degradation.  He hid the fact that he was continuing to view porn throughout our marriage.  I filed for divorce over the issue once around 17 years ago.  I decided for various reasons to continue the marriage.  I wish I had not.  I recently, six months ago, caught him again...or actually our 22 year old daughter did.  I am devastated by the fact that he intentionally deceived me.  His activities have cost me most of my young life when I might have found someone who actually respected me and loved me.  Now, I feel that my life has been wasted.  I have never felt true intimate love and there's no chance for me to ever recover from that loss.  He insists that "now" he will quit.  He really loves me and he can change.  I don't really believe that...although part of me wants to.  Everything we have worked for...home...finances..lifestyle...family relationships are now in danger of destruction because of his selfish, self-centered ways.  I mostly feel that I want out of the relationship, even though, I have no idea what I might do with the remains of my life now at my current age.  I have ran through all the emotions: rage, disgust, sorrow, hepelessness, paranoia, mistrust, and sympathy for his ignorance.  Now, after six months of his begging, I just know that the relationship is pathetic.  My sex life feels twisted.  I feel degraded, ashamed and unwanted.  How could I ever compete with his porn sexual images?  I don't want to.  I do not choose to have my sexual life based on sheer animal indstinct...a few body parts...lust and no intimacy.  That is how I feel a lot when he wants to have sex with me now.  What kind of relationship is that?  I feel his mind is polluted with so much degrading, unreallistic imagery that he couldn't "make love" if he wanted to.  I'm sure he doesn't even know how or what that means.  I feel a deep need to connect on an intimate level.  I mean that I make love not lust.  When I want sex it is from a deep need to excite and please hom.  I aim to perform my love for him...intimate and extended from lving feelings...not animal lust.  I guess I feel if that's the only thing I sought out of sex then masturbation would be the quickest remedy for biological lust.  Everyone has a cold, uncaring, clinical side of their mind I guess.  I don't want to entertain that any more than I want to aim at regressing to a gorilla status.  Know what I mean?