Quote From: mswing10Sounds like your BIL is very inconsiderate. Now you can't change him, so stop trying. All you can do is change your reaction to him so that you can be happy when he visits. You have a resentment and resentments are poisonous to your spirit.
Is it so hard to open your house to him even if it is unexpected? I disagree with you trying to "control" this situation because that is not what life is all about. Why not just get some space ready for him but also gently let him know it would make your holidays so much easier if he were just a little bit more considerate and pick up the phone to let you know he's coming. Sure, expect that he won't get it and will continue to do this, but open your heart a little, open your home a little, let him know you love him and get some holiday spirit.
Friends and family can be dear to us and can be welcome if you just expect the unexpected from them. Don't reschedule your day or clear out a room for him. Just grab a blanket, pillow and let him know there is always a spot on the floor for him - but there's a bed if he calls ahead. No one would fault you for that, but you're guarenteed a pissy attitude from him if you act ungratious to him.
Hi,
I think you intended to address the original poster (I've done the same thing before myself). I'm not the one with the troublesome BIL, but was giving the advice.
I don't think her BIL will respond to grace, though. He's used to steamrolling his way over ppl, but I think if she just establishes some ground rules with her husband, they can minimize his negative behavior( and hopefully he will realize that he needs to change his behavior or he's not welcome).
I do agree that she and her husband should respond w/ love, but be really firm, like with a spoiled child who throws fits. If he doesn't like it, too bad, he has to learn that he can't get away with taking over the situation b/c its so important to him. This is their household, not his, and I think they should make that very clear.
