Quote From: darcylovesometimes we must learn what we are doing to attack these guys who are addicted to this. Sometimes our "co-dependent' style are what leads us to them.
I promise not all men are going to bring porn into a marriage. For now.....get yourself some counseling and work on learning how to trust again. Don't let porn ruin your life. It wins when you do!
Welcome here and I hope you post again!
You hit the nail on the head with the "co-dependent" comment. That had been a pattern most of my life. I'm not altogether sure that it isn't now. It's just better. MUCH better. I don't excuse what I consider bad behavior anymore, and I can't "settle". I started referring to myself as having gotten somewhat "selfish" in my old age. It finally became about ME, and not someone else. What someone else does...they do. I just don't have to be part and parcel with it. I know my reasons for "attacking" my husband...it was b/c he lied to me yet again, and he was engaging in behaviors that were harmful to our marriage. He *hurt* me, and that was what caused me to lash out. We also went 6 mos. without sex once. I never felt more dejected..more unwanted in my entire life.
I *finally* learned that not all men engage in behaviors that *I* consider harmful. I slowly learned to trust...and my "radar" got better about detecting those that were less than truthful with me. I learned a lot in that 20+years I spent with my kids dad. Really though..the turning point for me was when I couldn't stand ONE MORE MINUTE of being mistreated. Not one more second. I finally had had enough. I guess I'm really stubborn though, b/c it took me a long time to get there. You don't want to give up, kwim? You don't want to admit failure, b/c the reality is that it takes TWO people to either make or break a relationship. Irregardless of what each one is doing individually. I *could* have gotten help for myself. It honestly never occurred for me to. I so wish I had've though..I might have reached my conclusions much earlier than I did. I would advise *anyone* dealing with this situation to seek individual counseling. I'm not saying to not seek marital counseling as well..I just think that change starts with yourself.
I wish for each and every one of you peace and happiness above all else...*hugs*
