You know, when I wrote that last post, I was really at a crucial turning point in my life I think. I am really feeling quite fed up with the lack of willingness of my husbands ability to be mature enough to discuss his needs to me, other then knowing he likes his porn. So I am throwing in the towel at trying to figure out why he needs it, why he always needed it, and why he probably will always need it. It is not my job in this life to sort out someone else's problems (if he even sees as such) and I think that has been the biggest downfall all along. I have been trying to help our sex life by asking him to stop looking at porn thinking he might make an effort to have an intimate relationship with me and see where it goes but to him, porn use in his life is like day and nite, a part of life.
So, after 6 years, I have hit my bottom with it all and that is why I figured I wouldn't need the board anymore. I am done trying to understand porn use.
Now, my goal is to pick myself up and find the woman that was before all of this. Happy. Content. Confident. Energetic. Fun to be around. My goal and hopefully it won't take 12 years to undo the damage that I endured emotinally from this, reclaim my sexuality. I thought I could go on without intimacy in my life when really what I need to do is accept that intimacy is not going to be a part of my marriage with my husband because he already has a lover....porn.........and accept that I do need intimacy in my life and when I am healthy emotionally again, I hope to find someone that I can share this with.
I am glad you found this board and I intend to offer my experiences as much as possible. Hopefully my words will encourage other women to reclaim thier needs to have love and respect and real intimacy in thier lives.....not sloppy seconds. Kimi
