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Replies to 'Ending Toxic Friendships'
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September 21, 2005, 8:29 pm PDT
 Quote From: farmerchik I have been reading all the ordeals with toxic friendships and I decided to post my own message regarding mine in hopes of some advice.
I have been seeing this man for over a year and we dated in high school some 30plus years ago. When we first decided to date, he told me he had a girlfriend but he wasn't happy because she's loud, obnoxious and rude most of the time and was an embarrassment.
He and I have a great relationship. We have so much in common and really enjoy eachother's company. The only wrong thing is this "friend" of his. She won't let go. As a matter of fact, her exact words were, "I don't care who he's with, I will always be a part of his life. I'm never going away." At first, I thought, "oh, ok." But she wasn't kidding. It's a classic example of she doesn't want him but she doesn't want him to have anyone else.
She calls him everyday at least once or twice. She used to call him while we were out together. (he finally got her to stop doing that.) My problem is him, I think. He made it very clear to me that he will not tell her to get lost. He says he loves me and can't imagine his life without me in it but yet he continues to hold onto this woman. I know there's nothing romantically happening on his part but I don't know what she's up to. I don't like her and I don't trust her but believe me, I've tried everything.
He doesn't understand where I'm coming from and I don't understand his reasoning so where do I go from here????
Frustrated in Ohio Farmerchik,
The first step here is to acknowledge that you and he do not have a great relationship. If you did, there would be a lot more respect flowing from him to you in terms of dumping the "other woman." Make no mistake, she is the other woman regardless of whether he is doing anything physical with her. If nothing else, there's an unhealthy emotional relationship going on.
You ask "Where do I go from here?" The answer is that you go forward either with him or alone. Those are the only options. If he refuses to get rid of her and it bothers you, then you need to get rid of him. If you don't want to get rid of him, you're going to have to live with his disrespect.
Best of luck. |
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