Tammy could you please explain further?
How can all the control on your husband's part continue without it happening in front of the kids...and the without the kids knowing....I don't get that.....kids are perceptive and all knowing. Most especially when there's an imbalance of power in the family.
And if he, your husband treats you in that manner .... how is it .....that it doesn't carry over to the kids.....does he suddenly become "father of the year?" I don't see how.
There's a big difference between normal family issues in America.....and your issues ...in your family.....after all the title of the show was "Living Extreme Lives."
This control and abuse is NOT a normal family issue.....its an issue of dysfunction and is Domestic Abuse and Violence.......you say the violence was 15 years ago......then are you saying his cycle doesn't include physical violence and abuse any longer......but all the rest of the dynamics of ABUSE ARE IN PLACE.
To me this is a huge deal breaker...............and abusers rarely go to....continue going......or do their WORK in any counseling.......so why bother..........he wasn't even admitting to any of this in front of Phil................I heard husband minimize, deny, justify, and blame you.
And dear Tammy.......your conduct was less than that of self-respect and wasn't immaginable to me......where was your dignity....were you so beaten down emotionally that you were not listening to your own value system rather than that of your husband...a 3some...were you under severe battered women's syndrome? Where was the rational in any of this? Was your life threatened by the fear of him, then. What?
Why did you make a choice to please an abuser and have and participate in a 3some......I will never understand......unless there were severe circumstances that prompted you to "just survive" by going along. And the affairs......why?
How did your husband's abuse and control over you and your family change....as you say?
What was normal before October?
What happened in October?
Did things take a change for the worse then because to him.....you were no longer participating in his antics, tactics, games and abuse along with him.??? Perhaps you decided to change and he then used to the latter.........upped his ante? Please if at all possible please explain all this......as what you're saying here does not jive with the show.
Are you minimizing you life with this man, now. Are you minimizing the stuff that goes on? What? I don't get it !
The good Doc...........suggests that you either DIVORCE IMMEDIATELY.........or the counseling....which he knows better than to have you guys in joint counseling sessions at this point.........so what is it that he saw that we are not privy to........by your post here.
Your post here confuses me.
Please come back and explain and post further.
Haven't you posted to the abuse message board in the past?
Lots of questions on my part.
PS........how are things going now.
Not to negate your children's accomplishments in school and on the extracurricular level.....they are doing wonderfully there in those departments.........however, be careful what you use for a barometer for measurement............many a child......is an honor roll student......and active in sports, theater, music, art..student govt. ..all the extras and yet................while being the ones least expected from outward appearance ,of problems...........are the ones into drugs.....drinking, alcohol, before the legal age.....sex.......bullying and the like.
I hope and trust that your children are not........but beware..........the doc seemed to be most concerned for the children.......and well he should be.......however, then again.....maybe that was the only way to reach your husband..........as nothing else did.
I write this out of concern and wanting further understanding.
