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ritehere
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September 14, 2005, 8:16 am PDT

Played?!

Quote From: jenlue

I didn't think of myself as the other women until just recently.  I met a wonderful man about a year ago.  We just moved in together.  He moved to my state 2 years ago with the military and his wife chose to stay in her state and move her boyfriend in with her.  He didn't file for divorce when it happened.  He was insecure and didn't think he would ever find anyone else.  When he found me he said he decided to file.  May I remind you this was a year ago.  She has been fighting him on the divorce supposedly.  He did however get a Legal separation.  I see him moving in with me as a commitment but am I wrong to want more of a commitment?  I want to be engaged to him, I know I know he is still married but to me that would be a bigger commitment than just moving in with me.  I feel he has the best of both worlds and is in no hurry to get the divorce done with.   I don't want to push him into it but on the other hand I have 2 small children that totally love him.  He is amazing with them.  Much better than their own dad.  Do I give it more time or pack up and move on with my life?  I do love him but I was played in my first marriage and am terrified to get played in this relationship.  Any advise would be grateful.  Thank you!!  

Read through your post again. Are you quite sure you're not being played right now? Have you seen the papers that he supposedly filed? Do you have proof that his wife had a boyfriend living with her (other than the word of your boyfriend?)
If you don't want to be "played" then act like it. The way you do that is tell a guy when you find out he's married, that even though you are attracted to him, you don't do that sort of thing. You don't let your kids get to know him and love him. What were you thinking?!
But what's done is done right? Now that you got yourself into this mess, you need to pull off the blinders and get a handle on what's really going on here, not what you would LIKE to be going on. Find out for sure if he's being honest with you. If he's not, get rid of him before you and the kids are hurt further. If he is being honest, tell him he needs to clean up his prior mess before things go any further. How can things progress when he is married already? And what kind of message are you sending your kids? Is this any way to teach them how to be married and have respect for their future spouse? You have to show that you respect yourself enough to do the honorable thing, and demand that he do it too.
You shouldn't be wasting your time on people who like to start messes and hurt others. You are responsible for your children and should have them uppermost in your mind when you date others. There are men out there who would make good husbands and fathers, and clue number one: they are not married already.
 
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tjw1963
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January 1, 2006, 7:23 am PST

Time to Move On

Quote From: jenlue

I didn't think of myself as the other women until just recently.  I met a wonderful man about a year ago.  We just moved in together.  He moved to my state 2 years ago with the military and his wife chose to stay in her state and move her boyfriend in with her.  He didn't file for divorce when it happened.  He was insecure and didn't think he would ever find anyone else.  When he found me he said he decided to file.  May I remind you this was a year ago.  She has been fighting him on the divorce supposedly.  He did however get a Legal separation.  I see him moving in with me as a commitment but am I wrong to want more of a commitment?  I want to be engaged to him, I know I know he is still married but to me that would be a bigger commitment than just moving in with me.  I feel he has the best of both worlds and is in no hurry to get the divorce done with.   I don't want to push him into it but on the other hand I have 2 small children that totally love him.  He is amazing with them.  Much better than their own dad.  Do I give it more time or pack up and move on with my life?  I do love him but I was played in my first marriage and am terrified to get played in this relationship.  Any advise would be grateful.  Thank you!!  

Women need to have more understanding of men.  Men are genetically inclined to stray with other women.  That does not mean they have a bad marriage/relationship, intentions of leaving or that they don't love their wife.  If the other woman is going to let a man have his cake and eat it to, then he will do exactly that. You are doing that.  He has no intentions of getting divorced and if he does he won't be with you in the end. All men will stray if they think they can get away with it.   

  

Unfortunatly I have had experience with military men and they are the worst.  There are large gaps of separation they have from their spouse and opportunities to let the beast roam, far away from the homefront.  Women give up sex to easily where men are concerned and they don't make the men accoutable for their actions.  Men just wanting sex will fade away quickly when a sincere woman makes the man wait.  It becomes to much work for them.  Good luck and Happy New Year!!! 
 
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