Replies to '12/20 Marry Me or Else!'

I watched and recorded this episode the first time it aired because it was so riviting.   At that time, I read on the message board several peoples comments about how this was the 21st century and how could a woman be so deperate to get married as to allow her boyfriend or fiance to hold her life in limbo for years while he decides what he wants and gets all the marriage benfits in the mean time.

As sad a commentary as it was on the importance society places on women getting married even in modern times, there is a flip side to this that is just as bad.

Women who go to extremes desperate to prove that they don't need marriage or a man.  

 While no modern, acheiving, independant woman wants to be held to old fashioned courtship rules where the man makes all moves (dates, engagements, etc) while she waits for him, some womens quest to trump this is just as futile. And it comes in several forms.

*   THE WOMAN WHO "MARRIES" HERSELF

Some time ago I saw a woman do this.  It was folly for the news broadcast.  But really it was just plain sad.   I remember this woman looked young enough to where I knew she was shooting herself in the  foot by doing this crap!   This woman who still had plenty of time to find someone pretty much just anounced to the all the men out there that they should get anywhere near her!

I also just recently saw another case of this on the Rachael Ray show. A 50 year old woman was marrying herself. Being that she was 50 I will take a guess that she held out for a real marriage as long as she could through her 40's.

The women who do this and the women who wear right hand rings my actually be worse than bridezillas.  They think announcing to the world that they don't need a man to buy them a ring or throw themselves a big party is a substitute for the love and partnership you can't put a price on.

* WOMEN WHO WEAR RIGHT HAND RINGS

I don't know it the jewelery stores came up with this or women did.  I guess jewelry stores said to themselves that if these days there are a bunch of women out there that are sore about holding out for an engagment ring, we might as well join them if we can't beat the marriage decline because we are loosing money.  So an enagement like ring meant to be worn on the right hand as a sign of empowerment (ya right!) was born.

You know, if I REALLY didn't want to be married, I wouldn't wear anything that looked like an engagement ring. Yet these women often protest that they "Don't need a man to buy them a ring".  REALLY. I never would have guessed, seeing as a lot of little girls have rings, or you get a class ring when you graduate from high school, etc.  But thanks for making that point ladies.

*  THE WOMEN WHO ARE TO BUSY ACHIEVING TO GET MARRIED/ AKA " I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT IF I WAS MARRIED"

Big cop out!  There are so many women out there that are succesful and married. We all know them. Politicians, journalists, business owners, etc.

The interesting thing is, a lot of them didn 't even live in  the 20th/21st centuries.  Yet some women will protest that this is the price a modern achieving woman pays.

Well its true that some men can be threatened by a powerful woman, and those who are not are in shorter supply. But the key here is finding the RIGHT man, not suggesting that any woman who goes beyond graduating high school is destined to be alone or that marriage is an obstacle to success.

* WOMEN WHO PURPOSELY BECOME SINGLE MOTHERS

I was watching the news one night a few months ago and there was a story about a lesbian couple and a single women who found out they all had kids from the same sperm bank doner and decided to become friends.

The reporter was there to show them a video clip of their doner. A handsome doctor, who was the most requested donor at the spermbank. He was the real McDreamy.  When the lesbian couple saw the video of the doctor, they were thrilled. 

But the single woman who used that same doner looked like she had been punched in the stomach when she saw what kind of a man he was.  I can only guess what was going through her mind.  But I am guessing she was thinking that she LITERALLY came within drops or her dream guy.  But all she did was pusposely saddle herself with his kid, and a doner at that.  Which decreases this young womans chance of finding her own man.

It so tough to be a modern woman who can do almost anything she wants, but feels she is waiting on a man to give her a future.  But don't, PLEASE DON'T jump the gun and shoot yourself in the foot.

Desperate and desperately trying to prove a point that dosen't have merrit t can lead to the same place, a dead end.  I really don't know what to tell other women. Things aren't really going to change until women propossing is a common practice.  But until then I guess you have to relationship savvy or be prepared to live a truely contented single life free of right hand rings.  

Because truthfully, NO MAN has ever thrown himself a wedding, or bought himself a wedding ring.