Replies to 'Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators'

Don't know if I can be much help, but I can try.

First off, would it really be a good idea to allow him to dictate whether or not you, your husband( if  applicable) or his siblings ( again if applicable), should be allowed to access the internet because he has a problem ? Probably NOT.  To me that is like my Alcoholic relations telling me I cannot have a drink if I want to, I don't have the problem, they do, hope you can see what I'm getting at here.

How about locking the doors with computers in them, or cutting down the number of computers in your home, if you need one for work, keep it locked up, yeah I know how crafty and computer literate kids are (sigh) I have a couple of teens myself, then maybe keep a second one for the kids in a PUBLIC AREA of your home, restricing access to only IF a parent is home and watching.  I had resorted to taking the MOUSE and KEYBOARD to work with me when we had the same problem.

Unfortunatly, there is nothing you can do outside your home, but if its happening at a friend's home, are the friend's PARENTS aware of what their kids are doing online ? Maybe a friendly phone call ( not always successful I know, but worth a try ) to the other parents might help, call the school and let them know or the library if these are other places he might be accessing the internet, the web is EVERYWHERE these days and there are countless places where it can be accessed, be vigilant of where he goes, and check up on him, until they sign the lease on their first apartment, they have no right to REAL privacy, your home, your rules.

But, all that being said, this young man NEEDS HELP, professional HELP, find someone in your area, and don't give up, he seems to be BEGGING for it and as much as we hate to admit it, they aren't always comfortable talking to us, PLEASE don't let this escalate into something worse, get his father on board, if possible, but PLEASE find a professional and get him the help he needs, you sound like you two have a good relationship, that's a good start.

Good luck to you.

Usually I don't reply to posts, but when I read this it struck a bit of a nerve.

I don't have any children myself, but as a young adult I think I might be able to spread some light on the situation as someone from the same generation as your son. I think you are over reacting. Your son is at an age when boys and girls (and from my experience, especially boys) are exploring their sexuality. When I was 15, every single boy I knew watched porn. If they said they didn't they were lying (look in the Temp file on any private computer, chances are you'll find porn).
It sounds to me that when you caught your son on porn sites again and again, he became more and more embarassed. Perhaps the reason he started crying is simply because he was BEYOND humiliated (if I were in that circumstance, I probably would have done the same). He knew you didn't approve and he obviously wants to make you proud, so it was a circumstance of extreme conflicting emotions. Kids will say anything to make their parents proud or to get out of trouble... I think this is probably why he said he wanted the internet out of the house.
It is NATURAL for him to explore those things. I understand how horrified you must have been to see him doing this, but rather than taking the normal parent reaction and tell him to stop, I think a wiser course of action would be to talk about it with him. He is obviously troubled by the fact he wants to see naked women, but *GASP* most young men do! This is just like kids stealing dirty magazines from stores back in the 50's-- it was seen as a bad thing to do back then, and watching porn is seen as a bad thing to do now. Why?
I don't agree to what ceildh1's response to your post was at all. Taking the keyboard and mouse seems like a much-too-drastic measure, unless all that your son is doing all day is sitting and watching porn. The occasional "adult content" is natural, maybe even good, to explore. Allow your son to learn about those things. Natural drive is different than addiction. If it gets to the point that he's becoming overly obsessive, (as in, watching hours of porn a day or something ridiculous along those lines), THEN I think ceildh1's advice is perfect. Your son doesn't "need professional help". He needs parents to talk to him with an open mind about things like sex. As someone with two EXREMELY conservative parents, I know how important it is to be able to talk, on some normal level, about sex with your mom or dad.

I hope this advice isn't coming too much too late as I see you posted your problem almost a year ago. Please, just calm down and talk to him. He sounds like a perfectly normal, (albeit emotionally distraught), healthy boy to me. Give him a hug :)