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Replies to 'Abuse'
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December 29, 2006, 2:31 pm PST
 Quote From: jrhighmath Hello
My story is a success story. I was married for 27 years to an Army officer. We moved 15 times in 27 years. He spent 24 on Active Duty - I was never anywhere long enough to form a support network. He never hit me so I didn't realize I was an abuse victim till after I left. I was verbally and emotionally abused behind closed doors. Even my children were unaware. He is very controlling and exercises excessively 3-4 hours a day if he can. As a young bride he would have me stand on a scale naked while he checked to make sure I weighed what he considered acceptable. I was afraid for years to eat much. He would only have sex with me if I weighed a certain amount otherwise I was undesireable. We couldn't have friends. When I did invite people over he made the entertaining such an ordeal I wouldn't want to do it again. I was constantly demeaned, not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough.
What happened? He had me down so low the only other thing he could hit me with was infidelity "Who wouldn't cheat on you? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?" Something inside me snapped. I moved out and filed for divorce. It took 20 months in a 3 month "no fault" state. I am happier than I have been in a long time. I have friends and can entertain all I want.
My children are still controlled by him even though they are adults. You can buy love. Their loss.
The girlfriend dumped him when she found out he wasn't as rich as he appeared to be. He's on bimbo #3.
I read many books. Dr Phil's "Self Matters" is wonderful. Also "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans is very good. It would be nice if Dr Phil does a show on verbal/emotional abuse. I didn't know it had a name. "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend is also a good book.
I asked for no contact. There is nothing I need from him. My daughter got married last April and I wouldn't sit with him. My daughter said it would look bad but I stuck to my guns. You see we had to portray the "perfect" family to the world for years.
God Bless you all. Life after domestic violence can be wonderful.
M What a guy -- your Ex! Yikes.
I haven't read the boundaries book sounds like I need to check that one out. But since we are the subject of books:
The Emotionally Abused Woman by Beverly Engel Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Men who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them by Susan Forward Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman by Beverly Engel Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You by Patricia Evans Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out; On relationship and recovery by Patricia Evans Keeping the Faith : Guidance for Christian Women Facing Abuse by Marie Fortune Emotional Unavailability : Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn Collins
Go Away, Come Closer: When What You Need the Most Is What You Fear the Most, a Book About Intimacy by Terry Hershey It's My Life Now : Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence By Meg Dugan Your Perfect Right by Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons (Assertiveness and Equality in your Life and Relationships)
You CAN have a happy life! Q |
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