Replies to 'Depression'

My husband and I ate somewhere else and shopped around a bit.  We bought a couple of knick-knacks for the kitchen.  Then, a little later, we went to a Mexican place we used to go to while we were dating (and the night we got engaged) and just sat at the bar for salsa, chips and a drink.  We didn't do dinner because we were going to eat back at my parents' house.

I had been taking stuff for another headache (Imitrex) the night before, Claritin in the morning and Advil Cold & sinus as well as regular Advil throughout the day.  The Pina Colada didn't sit with me well.  I was dizzy, felt spacey, and felt just plain yuck!  I probably shouldn't have had it after taking all of my painkillers though I  hadn't taken any in a few hours before then. 

I actually had coffee before dinner at my mom's in the hopes of feeling better and more 'with it' again.  It barely helped.  Also my headache came back pretty badly and I had to give into another Imitrex. 

I had a tough time falling asleep when we got home because even though the headaches had mostly subsided, I still felt blah and out of it.  I also have a very stiff neck that goes down to the bottom of my shoulder-blade.  It's aching and burning.  I couldn't get comfortable and only really got some decent sleep in the morning. 

I feel a lot better this morning though still not great -except my neck and shoulder still hurt.

I also almost started crying this morning when I looked at my profile in the mirror.  I am really the biggest I've ever been and it is freaking me out.  I find it hard to believe that the body I'm seeing is really mine.  I don't even recognize it.  I certainly don't want to claim it.  My face is even full too.  It just snuck up on me without my realizing it.  I know I was getting heavier but didn't realize just how much.  I truly am disgusted with myself.  My diet starts Tuesday when everyone goes back to school and work -and I absolutely will succeed because I can't live with myself this way.  I'd be ashamed for people I haven't seen for a while to see me.  I have to fix this FAST.  My husband says loves my full butt and er-chest.  I know he was trying to make it a positive but it only confirmed how big I really am.

Sorry to start the day on a down note.  I don't know how much I'll be on here today because I'm really depressed.  I just want to hide until I feel better and look like myself again.  At least the 'myself' that I know.

Oh yes, and I had my cat scan yesterday (of my sinuses) and for the first time since I got it, I had to take out my earring that I've never removed because it's in honor of Shelby.  I was NOT happy about that.  On the other hand, it was grungy and gross and I at least got to clean if off somewhat before putting it back in.

I hope you have a good day and a Happy New Year too if I don't speak to you.  I'm just going to try to pick myself up as much as possible.  Maybe when I lose some of the weight, I'll be able to myself up the rest of the way.

:) Suzanne