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Replies to '01/11 In Search Of …'
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January 11, 2007, 6:30 am PST
 Quote From: rustycleo Hi: I'm a johnny come late on this tipic, but I saw it and found it interesting that most of the pole thought they would look if they didn't know their birth parents. I can guess most were not in that situation. Me, I speak from expereience. You don't want to know. I was taken away from my parents and given to my maternal grandparents when I was 3. I was left with a lot of baggage. You never will find out "why?" and everyone will look at you as the "one". After years of wondering why I was the "one" I just decided it wasn't worth the energy and I moved on. I knew my parents and my siblings. One sister before me, whom I missed dearly and still do, and the two after me. One brother and one sister. Those siblings will never and have never considered me part of their family no matter how I tried to include them in mine. That was a hard situation growing up but I think that if you are adopted, you will be more let down by the fact that once a person gives a child up, they really truely don't want that person in their lives. I have two kids that I could never just give them away and with that feeling I still can never understand the reasoning because I would die for my kids. There was no divorice, no drugs, drinking - nothing out of the orginary, I was told I was a horrible child and that they didn't want another girl baby. My advise, don't do it, if you do, search from afar for health reasons and don't try to get involved in the family you think you may deserve. Thanks for reading. I too have experience in this area. My birth mother had me at 14, and I was taken away at 6 days old. I was then shuffled back and forth between her and my foster parents for years, until finally I just didn't see her again. I visited her for a summer vacation in 1983, and didn't see her again until I preached her funeral in 1998, dead of a heroin overdose. All I remember of her is that she was abusive and a drug addict. As far as my father is concerned, I never met him, don't even know his name. I have a brother in prison and a sister that I have only seen twice; once at (3) and at the funeral. I have tried to correspond with my mother's family, but I am an obvious stranger to them. I do have a family of my own, thank God. All and all, I think I turned out okay, but I still have that huge void in me. I am a loner, I don't like being around a lot of people (unless I'm in my capacity as a minister) and I don't have relationship with any of my biological family. Sometimes I feel like a bastard. Do I want to find my father? Sure. But I don't even know where to begin. So my advice to anyone in this situation is to search within in themselves to see if this what they need. Am I gonna search for my father? I don't know. Only time will tell. |
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January 11, 2007, 9:03 pm PST
Quote From: rustycleo Hi: I'm a johnny come late on this tipic, but I saw it and found it interesting that most of the pole thought they would look if they didn't know their birth parents. I can guess most were not in that situation. Me, I speak from expereience. You don't want to know. I was taken away from my parents and given to my maternal grandparents when I was 3. I was left with a lot of baggage. You never will find out "why?" and everyone will look at you as the "one". After years of wondering why I was the "one" I just decided it wasn't worth the energy and I moved on. I knew my parents and my siblings. One sister before me, whom I missed dearly and still do, and the two after me. One brother and one sister. Those siblings will never and have never considered me part of their family no matter how I tried to include them in mine. That was a hard situation growing up but I think that if you are adopted, you will be more let down by the fact that once a person gives a child up, they really truely don't want that person in their lives. I have two kids that I could never just give them away and with that feeling I still can never understand the reasoning because I would die for my kids. There was no divorice, no drugs, drinking - nothing out of the orginary, I was told I was a horrible child and that they didn't want another girl baby. My advise, don't do it, if you do, search from afar for health reasons and don't try to get involved in the family you think you may deserve. Thanks for reading. Gosh...where do I begin? My emotions are obviously messed up right now. This show and some of the postings really upset me. But most of all...postings such as this one.
Your comments: "I saw it and found it interesting that most of the pole thought they would look if they didn't know their birth parents", "if you are adopted, you will be more let down by the fact that once a person gives a child up, they really truely don't want that person in their lives" AND "My advise, don't do it, if you do, search from afar for health reasons and don't try to get involved in the family you think you may deserve" really upsets me.
When I was 17 years old and 5 months pregnant my dad punched me in my stomach. Because of his drug, mental, emotional, and physical abuse, I placed my child up for adoption. There was NO WAY in hell that I was going to raise my daughter up in that environment! But does that mean that I don't want her in my life? Absolutely not! My daughter, Chelsea, just turned 18 in November...which means by law that we can reunite. I'm scared as hell. When Chelsea was young, I was still in contact with her adoptive parents. But because of my state-of-being (due to my father's abuse) I stopped all contact because I did not want her to one day read what was going on in my life. I felt I had already told too much and I am still ashamed of the way I had to live back then. My father passed away at he age of 50 ( 6 years ago due to the drug abuse) and I still have issues to work out in my life because of him. Before dad passed, he apologized to me, which does makes life a LITTLE easier. Although my life is better now...I struggle with the idea of having to tell her what she may want to know. All I really want to tell her is that in my heart I did not want to give her up, I did what was BEST for HER and that I love her. She is the only child I've had and will ever have. I PRAY that her attitude is way different than yours. My life has been very depressing without her and frustrating too because I always wonder...What is she interested in, What does she look like, Is she healthy, Will she be ashamed of me, Mad at me? All of that. Her questions and her feelings scare me...which drives me to procastinating on the reunition. But "make no mistake about it" ( one of Dr. Phil's commonly used phrases...haha) every day I pray that she will want to meet me and know that she is undoubtedly loved and wanted in my (now healthy) family! We all deserve to be together and I ENCOURAGE EVERYONE to seek for their birthparents because there is love behind actions in many of these cases.
On another note, I want you to know that I am sorry that you feel the way you do and will pray that things get better for you. Situations like this are like burnt steaks...tough on both sides.
God Bless and love to all, The birthmother |
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