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October 14, 2005, 10:34 am PDT
also a widow
Quote From: louisman My husband has been dead almost 6 months. Some days I am fine and then the next day I am just overcome not having my husband to share every minute of my days with. We loved each other very much, and had our disagreements. The main thing is the loss of his prescence and his love. I am also overcome by his health when he was alive. He didn't take care of himself, I begged him everyday. He just would NOT!!! I often think that he din't think enough of me and his children and grandchildren and himself to take care of his health. I often very often wonder why. How I do hate that word "widow". It makes me feel so old. But my 6 months of being one will be tomorrow. I understand, believe me. My husband was healthy, but he smoked, and I always worried he'd suffer from emphazema someday and not be able to breathe. Little did I know that he'd never make it that far and that his heart was much worse off than his lungs. He did love you, and he would never have left of his own accord. It's just that sometimes we don't realize what we're doing to ourselves or to those around us and we think we can "handle" it. My husband was only 54 years old and I really planned on a lot more years together. He knew he needed to quick smoking, but there was just something that couldn't let him do it. I look at it this way -- if he had quit, how long would he actually have gained? He'd have needed to quit 20 years ago to do any real good. At least he was happy and enjoying his life right up to the very end. Yeah, I'm alone now and missing him more than I ever thought possible, but I'm happy for him. He didn't suffer, he was happy, we were happy, and I have tons of wonderful memories. I feel as though he's still with me every day and I just do whatever I have to do for myself to get through each and every day. I'm going to start with a bereavement support group at the Hospice in our area and that might be something you'll want to consider, too. Good luck, we'll get through this, like it or not.
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