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Replies to '03/14 Mr. Wrong'
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January 20, 2007, 1:00 am PST
 Quote From: ceildh1 I think many of us have dated a loser at some point, and I think whether we want to admit it or not, many of us thought we could change him, or be his guardian angel or something equally as silly, of those though, I would like to think most wake up to the fact and dump the guy like yesterday's trash. Those who don't however, my advice to friends and family, the more you put this guy down, the faster your friend, daughter, sister etc., will run to him. The best you can do is try to be there for her, and if you know there is abuse going on call Social Services the Police, a Battered women's shelter, she might hate you for a while, but she'll at least be alive to hate you. As for the ones marrying prisoners in jail for life, HMMM, I often wonder is it a commitment problem, she wants all the prestige (maybe the wrong word ) of being married, but without actually having to live with the man, I'm not sure if that is a REAL marriage, or more of a farce, I'm not a psychologist, but it seems to me that if you want to pledge your life to someone, you should at least be able to see each other more than once a week, not his job, but because he's in jail. Well maybe the Good Doc can give some insight when the episode airs. I too an in the situation of marrying a man in prison for
life. It is SO easy to sit back and condem people who make life
choices that one doesn't understand or doesn't accept. I
would NEVER have believed myself to even be capable of loving a
man in prison for murder. However I did come across a
situation where i wanted to extend my support to this man after hearing
his story on American Justice. I was totally unaware of the
publicity and controversy around this case but it has been
on several crime shows and even an Ann Rule book about the
case. I found this man to be the complete opposite of how he has
been portrayed. I fell in love with this man DESPITE his
admonitions to not do that to myself. Never once since I have
known him have I ever questioned what he has told me not because I am
naive and stupid but because he has never lied to me about
anything. His faith is the center of his life and is
actually the biggest obstacle that we have because I am not a religous
person. It is so amusing to read all these arm chair
psychologists explaining why women like myself choose to get
involved with these men. I don't have low self esteem or issues
with men. I don't like "bad boys" and I don't have
commitment fears. I met a man who is truly a good and decent
person . Yes he did make a horrible mistake and he is paying for
it. Does that mean he is not entitled to be loved? I always
read the questions "what if it was someone you loved who was killed?"
with interest. I was a rape victim twice-the first time I was 17
and it was a violent assault with a knife by an
acquaintance and the second time was 10 years later by a serial
rapist who broke into my house and i awakened to him standing
over me with a mask on; he raped over 2 dozen women before he was
caught. I didn't come to terms with that for 20 years BUT i never
hated the man; I hated what he had done. Only after I truly
forgave him and wrote him a letter of forgiveness in prison was I able
to start living again. Forgiveness is a powerful thing and it
really does more for the victim than the perpertrator. It
is so important that people not judge until they have been in the
situation themself. I love my husband very much and I
cannot imagine my life without him. I know we won't be able to
have sex but so what? That has been one of my husband's concerns
but I always tell him it is no different that if he had been in an
accident and COULDN'T have sex. If I couldn't have sex and he
didn't want me for that reason people would condemn him so why would
that even be a factor in my decison? I can tell
judging from many of the remarks on this board that people like to
think women who marry men in prison are suffering some mental defects
or something. Maybe we just don't put limits and labels on love. |
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January 28, 2007, 8:15 am PST
Quote From: ceildh1 I think many of us have dated a loser at some point, and I think whether we want to admit it or not, many of us thought we could change him, or be his guardian angel or something equally as silly, of those though, I would like to think most wake up to the fact and dump the guy like yesterday's trash. Those who don't however, my advice to friends and family, the more you put this guy down, the faster your friend, daughter, sister etc., will run to him. The best you can do is try to be there for her, and if you know there is abuse going on call Social Services the Police, a Battered women's shelter, she might hate you for a while, but she'll at least be alive to hate you. As for the ones marrying prisoners in jail for life, HMMM, I often wonder is it a commitment problem, she wants all the prestige (maybe the wrong word ) of being married, but without actually having to live with the man, I'm not sure if that is a REAL marriage, or more of a farce, I'm not a psychologist, but it seems to me that if you want to pledge your life to someone, you should at least be able to see each other more than once a week, not his job, but because he's in jail. Well maybe the Good Doc can give some insight when the episode airs. Wow, that's true!! Some of us don't want to admit it, but, YES, we have probably all dated losers and thought, "Oh, I can change that."
You made some great points though. The more your friends and family tell you bad stuff about the guy, some girls will hold onto that relationship even tighter. It's better to let them know you're there and that they can trust in you.
I don't know. Both of the guys on this show creeped me out. Earl....come on, the kid was on fire and you didn' t think the burns were serious? Geez. And, well, just looking at the other guy gave me the creeps. I know it shouldn't be about looks, but that guy was a walking circus sideshow.
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