Quote From: szeller
Relationships are like gardens, you have to work on them to make them blossom. When one partner is incarcerated they are not available to do the work required for this garden to grow and bloom. One reason a person may want to be involved with someone incarcerated is to "rescue" them, be there for them, love them, take care of them, nurture them and hope enough "love" will help them change. Lots of one sided work. A caution here too is to recognize you cannot "love" an anti social personality to wellness. In no way am I saying everyone incarcerated is anti social, there are exceptions.
Another reason is so the person on the "outside" can avoid the work involved such as growing, taking responsibility for their part in a relationship, trusting, being loved back (so scary sometimes), not being in control, having to actually be involved daily and work with someone else on a daily basis on the relationship. This avoidance is less of a threat then the actual day to day relationship with someone that is available, active and in the home daily.
Life is a journey of learning and growth. We often take great steps to avoid that responsibility for ourselves and focus on "fixing" someone else. Unfortunately waste years of our lives doing so. Go to any CODA meeting and see if you don't have agreement on that. We do sometimes see it all years later and may have regrets we did not love ourselves enough. Time is not recovered.
Suzanne
Suzanne,
I could have not put it better myself! I do hope no one has to spend the time I spent finding it out, from first hand experience. Self does matter........doesn't it!!
DARLENE
