Replies to 'Abuse'

 I wanted to say in my post I made a statement that could come across as arrogant. I had said no one can understand what it is like to have a man on the warpath in your home.  By this I meant anyone who hasn't had this happen to them. "Outsiders" and in fact some insiders that are shown a completely different person simply cannot "see" the problem so they blame the victim......more abuse. An abuser ususally only picks ONE victim for a reason, and often in no way interacts with everyone that way. Sneaky like a fox. This just means we may have been at the wrong place at the right time for the abuse to begin and it is the ABUSE that traps, ensnares and  creates the sabotouge towards escape a consequence of the original abuse.

Protest, independant thinking leads to MORE, not less abuse. A bit like quicksand, you can't always see it but struggling to get out only makes it worse.  This person being abusive is NOT held accountible...by anyone, not even the mental health community, let alone by society at large.  We need someone to mark the quicksand pits, not just blame those that were its victims.  To get out of quicksand alone is a very daunting task indeed.

That being said, with all logic and rationality I must severly protest the "co dependant" lables that always seem to fly, when one talks of abuse.  How can you be a co dependant and a  victim? I would prefer to refer to it as an encounter with a monster at  war with self.  Anything but "co dependant". My peeve, as it suggest that one left dehumanized by another is somewhow the flawed number in the equation.

That is an oxymoron (sp).  You are either a "victim" which I don't like either, or you are dependant (not always by your own choice or because you welcome abuse though some sick need of your own).

This is a phrase coined by a mostly male psycho establishment, to DENY, that there are many males (and some females) with an excess of dominate genes, and a large dose of immaturity and insecurity. It is a denial of males regarding the BEHAVIOR of males often towards women and children (and other males, or anyone they perceive to be weak or trapped). 

In my mind it is as abusive as the original abuse, to be met with the denial of the PROBLEM, therefore it continues. There is no responsibility placed on misbehavior.  People are being  emotionally abused with duress or by using something near and dear to the victim (even their own perceptions and sanity) and hit, slapped, imprisioned and otherwise abused (in their own homes)  and have no where to go that they won't be abused again by disbelief or denial of understanding.  No help (and  they get lots of sabatouge) in getting out of the quicksand. And like when in  quicksand we can, coupled with the abuse, be our own worst enemies as we try and get out.

Abusers are masters of deception, and WE let them get away with it by blaming those they deceive, and if you don't believe the ante is upped. The nature of abuse perpetuates itself.

We do not need to revictimizewith this faulty mind think that somehow THEY must  want this or bring it on themselves. Let alone contribute to it with a PLANNED  conscious or unconscious dependant approach. It is not only totally illogical, irrational, and CONTRIBUTES to the problem to assume that ones life experiences sets you up or can protect you from these types people.

The "wolf in sheeps clothing" aspects have made so called "co dependant victims" out of the strongest of people. Real colors aren't shown until the trap is set. Being totally intelligent and independant, is not sufficient "protection" once you find yourself being DECEIVED. It is the deceptive snare that catches many irregardless of their OWN personality.

That being said, there are MORE constructive or creative ways to help yourself, but many times HIGHLY impractical. The Maslow's theory or hiearchy of existance lists the basics ALL humans need. If you are unable to obtain those, YOU ARE A TRAPPED HUMAN.  Given emotional welfare over a roof over you head, guess what suffers emotional welfare. If you are faced with pursuit and continued harrassment by leaving, many women CHOOSE to stay, at least you can see and learn to "read" your enemy up close. Women are not ready to leave behind their children, and such in a save yourself mentality. Even if they could, someone would clearly hold THEM accountible, while in the same breath, BLAME them for not doing the very thing they will condem them for.  Being in an abusive situation is a horrible catch 22, and don't think abusers don't use that to their advantage...........DAILY .............and after the escape.

It is time we realize the abuse problem for what it is...............impossibility..........as the abusive person is FLAWED, irrational, mentally not fully developed  and NEVER held accountible. They don't WANT to change and no one can make them. They need lobotomies, or locked up. PERIOD.  Lets not help them by holding their VICTIMS accountable.

The proof that this is NOT a co dependant problem is made quite clear from the fact that many many women.........get out of the dependant trapped position............yet the ABUSE emotional, and physical either continues or esculates irregardless of their STRONG positions and determination not to have to live with this.

NOPE, these men have BEHAVIORAL disorders that run the gammet, and they should be locked up retrained,  punished, or attempts made to rehabilitate..........or  ways instilled to prevent them from "picking another unsuspecting" female for their next victim.

The problem is one of mankind, not just due to the welcome mat being put out by womenkind.

Ok off my soapbox.

Thanks

 I wanted to say in my post I made a statement that could come across as arrogant. I had said no one can understand what it is like to have a man on the warpath in your home.  By this I meant anyone who hasn't had this happen to them. "Outsiders" and in fact some insiders that are shown a completely different person simply cannot "see" the problem so they blame the victim......more abuse. An abuser ususally only picks ONE victim for a reason, and often in no way interacts with everyone that way. Sneaky like a fox. This just means we may have been at the wrong place at the right time for the abuse to begin and it is the ABUSE that traps, ensnares and  creates the sabotouge towards escape a consequence of the original abuse.

Protest, independant thinking leads to MORE, not less abuse. A bit like quicksand, you can't always see it but struggling to get out only makes it worse.  This person being abusive is NOT held accountible...by anyone, not even the mental health community, let alone by society at large.  We need someone to mark the quicksand pits, not just blame those that were its victims.  To get out of quicksand alone is a very daunting task indeed.

That being said, with all logic and rationality I must severly protest the "co dependant" lables that always seem to fly, when one talks of abuse.  How can you be a co dependant and a  victim? I would prefer to refer to it as an encounter with a monster at  war with self.  Anything but "co dependant". My peeve, as it suggest that one left dehumanized by another is somewhow the flawed number in the equation.

That is an oxymoron (sp).  You are either a "victim" which I don't like either, or you are dependant (not always by your own choice or because you welcome abuse though some sick need of your own).

This is a phrase coined by a mostly male psycho establishment, to DENY, that there are many males (and some females) with an excess of dominate genes, and a large dose of immaturity and insecurity. It is a denial of males regarding the BEHAVIOR of males often towards women and children (and other males, or anyone they perceive to be weak or trapped). 

In my mind it is as abusive as the original abuse, to be met with the denial of the PROBLEM, therefore it continues. There is no responsibility placed on misbehavior.  People are being  emotionally abused with duress or by using something near and dear to the victim (even their own perceptions and sanity) and hit, slapped, imprisioned and otherwise abused (in their own homes)  and have no where to go that they won't be abused again by disbelief or denial of understanding.  No help (and  they get lots of sabatouge) in getting out of the quicksand. And like when in  quicksand we can, coupled with the abuse, be our own worst enemies as we try and get out.

Abusers are masters of deception, and WE let them get away with it by blaming those they deceive, and if you don't believe the ante is upped. The nature of abuse perpetuates itself.

We do not need to revictimizewith this faulty mind think that somehow THEY must  want this or bring it on themselves. Let alone contribute to it with a PLANNED  conscious or unconscious dependant approach. It is not only totally illogical, irrational, and CONTRIBUTES to the problem to assume that ones life experiences sets you up or can protect you from these types people.

The "wolf in sheeps clothing" aspects have made so called "co dependant victims" out of the strongest of people. Real colors aren't shown until the trap is set. Being totally intelligent and independant, is not sufficient "protection" once you find yourself being DECEIVED. It is the deceptive snare that catches many irregardless of their OWN personality.

That being said, there are MORE constructive or creative ways to help yourself, but many times HIGHLY impractical. The Maslow's theory or hiearchy of existance lists the basics ALL humans need. If you are unable to obtain those, YOU ARE A TRAPPED HUMAN.  Given emotional welfare over a roof over you head, guess what suffers emotional welfare. If you are faced with pursuit and continued harrassment by leaving, many women CHOOSE to stay, at least you can see and learn to "read" your enemy up close. Women are not ready to leave behind their children, and such in a save yourself mentality. Even if they could, someone would clearly hold THEM accountible, while in the same breath, BLAME them for not doing the very thing they will condem them for.  Being in an abusive situation is a horrible catch 22, and don't think abusers don't use that to their advantage...........DAILY .............and after the escape.

It is time we realize the abuse problem for what it is...............impossibility..........as the abusive person is FLAWED, irrational, mentally not fully developed  and NEVER held accountible. They don't WANT to change and no one can make them. They need lobotomies, or locked up. PERIOD.  Lets not help them by holding their VICTIMS accountable.

The proof that this is NOT a co dependant problem is made quite clear from the fact that many many women.........get out of the dependant trapped position............yet the ABUSE emotional, and physical either continues or esculates irregardless of their STRONG positions and determination not to have to live with this.

NOPE, these men have BEHAVIORAL disorders that run the gammet, and they should be locked up retrained,  punished, or attempts made to rehabilitate..........or  ways instilled to prevent them from "picking another unsuspecting" female for their next victim.

The problem is one of mankind, not just due to the welcome mat being put out by womenkind.

Ok off my soapbox.

Thanks

 I wanted to say in my post I made a statement that could come across as arrogant. I had said no one can understand what it is like to have a man on the warpath in your home.  By this I meant anyone who hasn't had this happen to them. "Outsiders" and in fact some insiders that are shown a completely different person simply cannot "see" the problem so they blame the victim......more abuse. An abuser ususally only picks ONE victim for a reason, and often in no way interacts with everyone that way. Sneaky like a fox. This just means we may have been at the wrong place at the right time for the abuse to begin and it is the ABUSE that traps, ensnares and  creates the sabotouge towards escape a consequence of the original abuse.

Protest, independant thinking leads to MORE, not less abuse. A bit like quicksand, you can't always see it but struggling to get out only makes it worse.  This person being abusive is NOT held accountible...by anyone, not even the mental health community, let alone by society at large.  We need someone to mark the quicksand pits, not just blame those that were its victims.  To get out of quicksand alone is a very daunting task indeed.

That being said, with all logic and rationality I must severly protest the "co dependant" lables that always seem to fly, when one talks of abuse.  How can you be a co dependant and a  victim? I would prefer to refer to it as an encounter with a monster at  war with self.  Anything but "co dependant". My peeve, as it suggest that one left dehumanized by another is somewhow the flawed number in the equation.

That is an oxymoron (sp).  You are either a "victim" which I don't like either, or you are dependant (not always by your own choice or because you welcome abuse though some sick need of your own).

This is a phrase coined by a mostly male psycho establishment, to DENY, that there are many males (and some females) with an excess of dominate genes, and a large dose of immaturity and insecurity. It is a denial of males regarding the BEHAVIOR of males often towards women and children (and other males, or anyone they perceive to be weak or trapped). 

In my mind it is as abusive as the original abuse, to be met with the denial of the PROBLEM, therefore it continues. There is no responsibility placed on misbehavior.  People are being  emotionally abused with duress or by using something near and dear to the victim (even their own perceptions and sanity) and hit, slapped, imprisioned and otherwise abused (in their own homes)  and have no where to go that they won't be abused again by disbelief or denial of understanding.  No help (and  they get lots of sabatouge) in getting out of the quicksand. And like when in  quicksand we can, coupled with the abuse, be our own worst enemies as we try and get out.

Abusers are masters of deception, and WE let them get away with it by blaming those they deceive, and if you don't believe the ante is upped. The nature of abuse perpetuates itself.

We do not need to revictimizewith this faulty mind think that somehow THEY must  want this or bring it on themselves. Let alone contribute to it with a PLANNED  conscious or unconscious dependant approach. It is not only totally illogical, irrational, and CONTRIBUTES to the problem to assume that ones life experiences sets you up or can protect you from these types people.

The "wolf in sheeps clothing" aspects have made so called "co dependant victims" out of the strongest of people. Real colors aren't shown until the trap is set. Being totally intelligent and independant, is not sufficient "protection" once you find yourself being DECEIVED. It is the deceptive snare that catches many irregardless of their OWN personality.

That being said, there are MORE constructive or creative ways to help yourself, but many times HIGHLY impractical. The Maslow's theory or hiearchy of existance lists the basics ALL humans need. If you are unable to obtain those, YOU ARE A TRAPPED HUMAN.  Given emotional welfare over a roof over you head, guess what suffers emotional welfare. If you are faced with pursuit and continued harrassment by leaving, many women CHOOSE to stay, at least you can see and learn to "read" your enemy up close. Women are not ready to leave behind their children, and such in a save yourself mentality. Even if they could, someone would clearly hold THEM accountible, while in the same breath, BLAME them for not doing the very thing they will condem them for.  Being in an abusive situation is a horrible catch 22, and don't think abusers don't use that to their advantage...........DAILY .............and after the escape.

It is time we realize the abuse problem for what it is...............impossibility..........as the abusive person is FLAWED, irrational, mentally not fully developed  and NEVER held accountible. They don't WANT to change and no one can make them. They need lobotomies, or locked up. PERIOD.  Lets not help them by holding their VICTIMS accountable.

The proof that this is NOT a co dependant problem is made quite clear from the fact that many many women.........get out of the dependant trapped position............yet the ABUSE emotional, and physical either continues or esculates irregardless of their STRONG positions and determination not to have to live with this.

NOPE, these men have BEHAVIORAL disorders that run the gammet, and they should be locked up retrained,  punished, or attempts made to rehabilitate..........or  ways instilled to prevent them from "picking another unsuspecting" female for their next victim.

The problem is one of mankind, not just due to the welcome mat being put out by womenkind.

Ok off my soapbox.

Thanks

 I wanted to say in my post I made a statement that could come across as arrogant. I had said no one can understand what it is like to have a man on the warpath in your home.  By this I meant anyone who hasn't had this happen to them. "Outsiders" and in fact some insiders that are shown a completely different person simply cannot "see" the problem so they blame the victim......more abuse. An abuser ususally only picks ONE victim for a reason, and often in no way interacts with everyone that way. Sneaky like a fox. This just means we may have been at the wrong place at the right time for the abuse to begin and it is the ABUSE that traps, ensnares and  creates the sabotouge towards escape a consequence of the original abuse.

Protest, independant thinking leads to MORE, not less abuse. A bit like quicksand, you can't always see it but struggling to get out only makes it worse.  This person being abusive is NOT held accountible...by anyone, not even the mental health community, let alone by society at large.  We need someone to mark the quicksand pits, not just blame those that were its victims.  To get out of quicksand alone is a very daunting task indeed.

That being said, with all logic and rationality I must severly protest the "co dependant" lables that always seem to fly, when one talks of abuse.  How can you be a co dependant and a  victim? I would prefer to refer to it as an encounter with a monster at  war with self.  Anything but "co dependant". My peeve, as it suggest that one left dehumanized by another is somewhow the flawed number in the equation.

That is an oxymoron (sp).  You are either a "victim" which I don't like either, or you are dependant (not always by your own choice or because you welcome abuse though some sick need of your own).

This is a phrase coined by a mostly male psycho establishment, to DENY, that there are many males (and some females) with an excess of dominate genes, and a large dose of immaturity and insecurity. It is a denial of males regarding the BEHAVIOR of males often towards women and children (and other males, or anyone they perceive to be weak or trapped). 

In my mind it is as abusive as the original abuse, to be met with the denial of the PROBLEM, therefore it continues. There is no responsibility placed on misbehavior.  People are being  emotionally abused with duress or by using something near and dear to the victim (even their own perceptions and sanity) and hit, slapped, imprisioned and otherwise abused (in their own homes)  and have no where to go that they won't be abused again by disbelief or denial of understanding.  No help (and  they get lots of sabatouge) in getting out of the quicksand. And like when in  quicksand we can, coupled with the abuse, be our own worst enemies as we try and get out.

Abusers are masters of deception, and WE let them get away with it by blaming those they deceive, and if you don't believe the ante is upped. The nature of abuse perpetuates itself.

We do not need to revictimizewith this faulty mind think that somehow THEY must  want this or bring it on themselves. Let alone contribute to it with a PLANNED  conscious or unconscious dependant approach. It is not only totally illogical, irrational, and CONTRIBUTES to the problem to assume that ones life experiences sets you up or can protect you from these types people.

The "wolf in sheeps clothing" aspects have made so called "co dependant victims" out of the strongest of people. Real colors aren't shown until the trap is set. Being totally intelligent and independant, is not sufficient "protection" once you find yourself being DECEIVED. It is the deceptive snare that catches many irregardless of their OWN personality.

That being said, there are MORE constructive or creative ways to help yourself, but many times HIGHLY impractical. The Maslow's theory or hiearchy of existance lists the basics ALL humans need. If you are unable to obtain those, YOU ARE A TRAPPED HUMAN.  Given emotional welfare over a roof over you head, guess what suffers emotional welfare. If you are faced with pursuit and continued harrassment by leaving, many women CHOOSE to stay, at least you can see and learn to "read" your enemy up close. Women are not ready to leave behind their children, and such in a save yourself mentality. Even if they could, someone would clearly hold THEM accountible, while in the same breath, BLAME them for not doing the very thing they will condem them for.  Being in an abusive situation is a horrible catch 22, and don't think abusers don't use that to their advantage...........DAILY .............and after the escape.

It is time we realize the abuse problem for what it is...............impossibility..........as the abusive person is FLAWED, irrational, mentally not fully developed  and NEVER held accountible. They don't WANT to change and no one can make them. They need lobotomies, or locked up. PERIOD.  Lets not help them by holding their VICTIMS accountable.

The proof that this is NOT a co dependant problem is made quite clear from the fact that many many women.........get out of the dependant trapped position............yet the ABUSE emotional, and physical either continues or esculates irregardless of their STRONG positions and determination not to have to live with this.

NOPE, these men have BEHAVIORAL disorders that run the gammet, and they should be locked up retrained,  punished, or attempts made to rehabilitate..........or  ways instilled to prevent them from "picking another unsuspecting" female for their next victim.

The problem is one of mankind, not just due to the welcome mat being put out by womenkind.

Ok off my soapbox.

Thanks