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Replies to 'Breaking Up'
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January 18, 2007, 3:58 pm PST
 Quote From: pearlhanna I took back a boyfriend that I kicked out in August via restraining order. I hate to sound superficial, but he's a burden. He doesn't make much money. His priority is different than mine. I pay my bills first than see whats left over to go out and have fun. He is in over $1,800 in credit card debt and insists on paying the minimum payment. If I can't pay it off, I don't buy. When I kicked him out he preferred living in a book store saying he didn't have the money to pay for an apartment. With affordable housing, assistance with food, utilities, its an excuse... especially when he unpacked 8 weeks ago when he moved back in with me. He had money for a CD player, clothes, CDs. and a stuffed animal that sings and flaps his hands and legs. I was like WTH... instead that junk find a roof thats not cardboard.
My problem is I felt sorry for him. I should have stayed foot loose. I figure I deserve someone who makes equal or a bit more money than I do and has similar priorities to mine. Between you me and the sun, I don't pay for clothing (except underwear and shoes) or other things, I get a lot for free bidding on Freecycle.org.
Dr. Phil, I was going to ask if you ever did a topic on ended relationships..when a relationship is over uis it worth giving another try or do a titanic -- let it sink and float away...fast! I did the pro and con list but my lonliness got ahead of me. Obviously you were lonely and decided to take him back with the assumption that he would change. People don't change unless they want to, they are who they are. The number 1 readon why relationships break up is over finances. Usually one is very good at handling money and the other is not, which seems to be your case. For starters, money is not everything - hell even millionaires are unhappy! Some people are very content living off basically nothing, others want more out of life and strive to make more money and secure a future for themselves. If his idea of finances do not match yours then you need to weigh in on that subject heavily. I too can't stand the thought of having a balance on my credit card, my parents raised me well and taught me early on about spending and saving money - not everybody is that disciplined regarding their bills. If he priorities, values and morals are not similiar to yours then why keep hanging onto this get. Let him go and move on. If you allowed him back into your home because you felt sorry for him than you just learned a very good life lesson. It's okay to be alone, it's okay to be lonely at times. Don't ever settle for less than you think you deserve. Absolutely couples do break up and then get back together again - because they love eachother, respect eachother, admire eachother and actually like eachother etc.... Do you feel this way about him at all???? If you are back with him because you think you can change him or because you found nothing better out there - that was the wrong reason to start this relationship again. |
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