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January 31, 2007, 4:02 am PST
I've been where she is at....
Quote From: hobart7Hi. I have a question to ask. A friend of mine seems to not be ready for a relationship because of experiences in her past. I feel ready for thinking abgou marrage, but she has fears. Fears of being hurt or being used like her past experiences. we have talked and talked about hings, but she keeps bringing things up that we need toet past. Iget upset ,and then get her upset when Isay things Ishould not say. I do not say mean things to her. I will never say them to her she means not much to me. we have talked marrage, but I have been not latley from the things she has said to me. I love this women dearly, snd I need her in my life. WHat do I need to tell her or what do I need to do now I am scared to lose her. tjanks for any thing that can help. She is carrying around with her emotional baggage from her past relationships and will this will effect all of her future relationships. She's probably got this emotional wall around her to protect herself from getting hurt again. When she gets too close, she immediately pulls back, puts up that wall to protect herself from getting hurt. What she does need to do is start taking risks (easier said than done) - wear her heart on her sleeve. Anytime people get into relationships they are vulnerable and stand the chance of getting hurt. But what's the alternative, to never be in another relationship ever again, to never show your true feelings, to never allow the other person know how you truly feel, to never allow yourself to be truly loved and to give that love back. I would highly sugest that you ask her to go into counseling to fix her and to get Self Matters, Dr. Phil's book. Her issues have nothing to do with you. That monkey on her back will start to disappear when she starts to deal with the hurt and devestation of her past. She will not be ready for marriage until she works on her and lets go of her insecurities. I use to be her - the book and therapy helped me tremedously.
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