Message Boards
Replies to '11/24 Great School Debate'
|
January 30, 2007, 10:23 am PST
 Quote From: fairchild I'm sure it was a tough decision, and it's great that it is working out for you.
However, I don't understand how you can say that it doesn't matter how you feel. Most of your post was about how you feel. And even if your son wanted to be calmer, I doubt that he could really understand all that should be considered regarding the medication, such as long term effects. And that you would compare the brain altering medications used to treat ADHD, usually for years, to taking cold medicine for a few days is really amazing. Do you really think it's no different?
As far as the behavior you described, it is certainly in the range of normal for a lot of children, not just boys. I have 2 daughters. The years when my oldest was 4-7 were extremely difficult. I did consider the idea of medication, wondering if it would help. To bring this back to the discussion of homeschooling versus public schooling, my daughter's personality played a huge role in our decision to keep her home. I do believe that it is very damaging to expect very young children to conform to the expectations of the school regarding behavior at such a young age, especially when they want to be like the other kids but cannot. It really depends a lot on the child. Medication can help some children feel good about themselves, but more often it is used to make things easier for teachers or parents.
I wouldn't lump my child in a category with "ADHD kids". It is widely believed that the more structure the better, but I don't believe that is true categorically. Just like I don't believe that waiting would have made it worse, stated as a fact. How can you know that? In fact, waiting makes things much better for a lot of people. I have read countless stories about children with behavior just like your son at 4-6 years of age who do not take medication and by the time they are 8 or 9, they have settled down immensely. My daughter just turned 12, and she is still very emotional with extreme highs and lows, but she doesn't have nearly the difficulty with impulse control that she used to. And to me what's most important is that she doesn't believe she needs medicine to be normal.
-Christy Again, it's great you were able to wait it out through the difficult times and things improved with age and time. First, let me point out some things that you may/may not be aware of since you do not have BOYS and you were in a position to stay home and cater to her personality through homeshooling. The theory of "you don't know" applies to all aspects of parenting. You "don't know"if public school would have worked...you"don't know" that age and time cure all things...there are a lot of "don't knows" about parenting. Yes, you are right, at age 5 my son did not know all the long term effects. Sometimes as parents we have to make decisions for our kids that they do not understand completely. I had to have my youngest re-circumcised at age 2. He didn't understand that without doing so he would have major problems later in life. I'm sure if you are honest with yourself you have made decisions for your kids that have long term effects they may/may not understand at the time. As for the behavior I described, that was just a glimpse into why we made our decision. To be honest, there is not enough time or room to post everything that went on (and still happens) due to his behavior. As for what you may think works and doesn't work for an ADHD child, you really have no ground to stand on since your children are not in the same "category ". Yes, things that were more of an issue at 4 and 5 are not so much an issue now but the base behavior is still there. Again, I'm not sorry I made the decision I did. You obviously do not appreciate or understand my stance and that's OK. My main intent regarding my feelings were that a lot of parents operate under what feels good to them and not necessarily what's best for their children and the rest of the family. This was tearing us apart in every way. Something had to change. My son knows that he is 'wired' differently- he sees it every day among his friends who do not struggle with common things like sitting still and getting work done. We are open with this and he accepts our decision as he knows that it does help. If there ever came a day (and there's been one or two) he wanted to cease taking the medication, he could do so. However, there are still expectations we have and that society has. The world will not stop for him because he is distracted. If he can meet those expectations without meds, great. That is our goal. For now, he cannot do that. |
|
Return to the Message Board
