Replies to 'Workplace Bullies'

Hi. Sooner.  Although this board is for discussing workplace bullies, since you brought up the topic of your Mom here (and we know that they can be bullies too!) I will respond here.  Sorry to hear about the type of relationship you have with your mother. I have been through some similar things with mine so I hope I can be helpful.  First, it is commendable that you want to re-build your relationship, and whatever happens when you make contact, please know that you were gutsy as well as doing this in good faith and should be proud of yourself for it no matter what the outcome is.  Remember though that you can only control YOUR actions, not your mother's.  So if she doesn't respond in a positive way, it is because of her own nature, not yours and you shouldn't blame yourself in any way. 

I would opt for the letter rather than the phone call to make the first contact.  This way you get all your thoughts on paper and can re-do it as many times as you'd like before sending it.  She can't interrupt a letter, or hang up on a letter  as she may do in a phone call.  This also gives her time to read it, react to it, calm down...whatever she needs to do before responding.  I hope that she responds positively, but she could be so self-richeous that  she can't recognize her responsibility in the realtionship falling apart.

Just put your feelings in the letter.  Start with what you said here, that you are writing because you miss her, that you know you two have had some difficult times in the past but you want to start all over from scratch. Tell her you want the two of you to be able to get along with one another, that time is too precious for arguing.

Like I said before I have had issues with my Mom too and have gone through long periods where we didn't talk.  In the end, I decided that I'd like to have SOME sort of relationship with her and if it can't be the ideal mother-daughter one, then maybe we won't have constant contact, but we'll have the best relationship possible under the circumstances. You may have to settle for something less than you would wish for.  I hope your Mom responds kindly.  If she doesn't then remember that you made the effort and can be proud that you did, and that her inability to relate to you is not about you but about her.

Good luck and please write here again to let me know how things went.  Juliebgg