Replies to '02/14 Valentine Troubles'

My husband and I are celebrating our 26th wedding anniversary on Valentine's Day.  We also didn't get a honeymoon..the wedding went smoothly, but the honeymoon was a disaster.  We had planned a ski vacation.  The snow was great the day of our wedding.  We were to stay in my grandmother's house (she went to LA every winter, so the house was empty.)  I was young and inexperienced with meat preservation.  Well, the snow melted, and the Schweitzer ski area snow report said "the snow has melted...bring your waders...we're having a beer party!!"  Also, my grandmother's house was full of spiders...moved in out of the cold for the winter, I guess.  So, we decided to go home (a house we had just purchased...boxes everywhere).  We weren't going to tell anybody that we were back in town...just have some time to ourselves.  Well, on the way back home, our car broke down...engine was ruined...that was back in the times before cell phones.  The highway wasn't a very busy road, and it was hardly ever patrolled by the State Patrol.  Several cars went by, and nobody stopped.  Then, a car full of drunk salesmen stopped for us, and they ran their car into the ditch.  After that, several cars stopped because they thought there had been an accident.  We were determined not to call our relatives, as we wanted to keep our return to town a secret.  We got a tow truck to take us and our car home.  Well, we forgot that my sister's husband was feeding our coal furnace while we were gone.  The morning after our car disaster, he showed up at 6:00 AM to take care of the furnace.  We asked him NOT to tell anybody else that we were back, but word quickly got out.  My mother-in-law, who had trouble letting go, drove by and saw that we were home.  Needless to say, we didn't get any time to ourselves.  We never did get that honeymoon, and like you, we can't afford to do much of a celebration...just a nice dinner at home with our three boys.

We have been through many hardships and medical disasters over the years...our annual medical bill last year was $20,000, and that is the average amount that we spend on medical every year.  This year is a special anniversary because I survived breast cancer in 2006, and have had 6 surgeries in the last year.  I feel very thankful to God for every day that I have with my husband.  We are thankful that we found each other.

On our local Christian radio station recently, there was a program about marriage.  The saying from that program that sticks with me the most is that "sucessful marriage consists of two forgivers."  That is so true.  If partners are constantly holding grudges, it will just build up and end badly.  I think that so many couples don't work hard enough at staying together...they jump ship at the first sign of hardship and disagreement.  "Love endures all things"...compromise, forgiveness, and love.

The sex went away a long time ago...unfortunate, but my husband's health issues make us unable to have that aspect anymore.  I would like to have more intimacy though.  We are the best of friends, but at bedtime, we talk a little, and then we just go to sleep.  We have lots of good conversations, and we watch TV together.  Date nights are few an far between...no money, and the kids need the "homework police" around to make sure that they complete their assignments.  We have lost touch with the intimate side, but our love for each other is strong, and we are committed for life.  I'm sure that we are not the only married couple in this situation.  We just don't know how to get it back.  The sex isn't really that imortant in our relationship.