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Replies to 'How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship'
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February 14, 2007, 7:55 am PST
 Quote From: nardanddee I refuse to sugar-coat the nonsense in my husband's life. I don't believe it's lonliness, because what he is spending his time filling his mind with does not counter-act lonliness. Believe me, I was a self-medicater for a number of years. I think the more correct term would be selfishness. He's simply being selfish. When my husband spends his time looking for porn sites and watching videos of women doing all kinds of nonsense, he's selfishly seeking to do what he finds pleasing without any regard to how it makes anyone else feel. Then he has the nerve to give me attitude because I'm not the amoral person in the videos that he's been drooling over. Nothing other than selfishness would allow someone that claims to love you to treat you that way. And apparently nothing but stupidity allows me to stay with someone that I allow to treat me this way. It is very peaceful.
I would definately not sugar coat this either. Lonliness is something we all experience and even children get bored. It is a part of life. It is in the times of lonliness that we are able to feel the things that we try to avoid during the day, during the business of life. We are only able to occupy ourselves so long. Eventually, we all get lonely and bored. But what do we do with that is what will determine the outcome or the lesson.
We are also all selfish and it is ok to be selfish. What is not ok is telling someone else they are not allowed to be selfish, also! But that is what we do when we tell someone what they should do when they are bored, lonely or feeling like they want to be selfish. Who are we to tell someone not to be selfish? What if someone told you not to be selfish? What if you wanted to buy a pair of earrings but you know the money could be spent in more "unselfish" way? Do you not buy the earrings and give your money to a poor person in the street? Or do you buy the earrings because you feel you deserve to have them? Do you think what you are doing is selfish or do you think it is treating yourself to something you deserve?
I think porn is like that for a lot of people. They feel they deserve to have the tantalizing visuals - the hot lusty babes - the attention from strangers - the fantasy come alive. They really feel it is not wrong to do this, just like buying that pair of earrings.
But, and this is a big BUT. Our need to feel loved and respected and appreciated runs very deep. It is a need that we all need and when we do not feel qualified or worthy of the love, respect and admiration then someone else's actions are going to feel like great stabs at our hearts. It hurts to know we are not all that. It hurts to know that we can't satisfy our men. So, you need to tell him this is how it feels to you. Then he needs to make the decision as to whether he wants to continue doing something that feels like this to you and if he continues, then you need to be able to stand up tall, straighten your shoulders back, take a deep breath, and walk away.
We all deserve to find a place of peace within our homes. Is your home a place of peace and love? Or is it driven by fear and anger? I hope this |
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