Replies to '09/19 "Afraid of My Mom"'

 think you really need to seek some help & fast!  Yes I think social services should be called 1000 times a day if all we did was have a dream the neighbor did something hurtful to the kids.  I'd be the first to welcome them into my kitchen for a cup of coffee while I let them hear & talk to my kids!  And if I thought my kids were in danger of someone else or even me I'd take whatever messure I had to protect them & if I thought I was really UNABLE TO CONTROL MYSELF yes I'd put them where I knew they would be safe.  Loving my kids I'd send them away if it was me they needed protection from.  That's what a mother does she loves her children enough to do whats right not what looks good to the neighbors.  & it takes a lot more than feeding the kids to be nurturing & abuse doesn't always leave scars & bruises for people or teachers to see.

  

You said this woman who is "a neighbor" is a good mom but doesn't play well with the other moms?  & that's the reason that social services have been called 6 times in 3 yrs.?  & all those calls have been unfounded or "dropped"?  Well do you know how many times DFS screws up & abused kids fall through the cracks & die while be investigated?  You say this mother is a good mom but feels "everyone is evil and out to get her and nobody loves her"?  I say this is the real reason the neighbors are calling DFS & that they need to watch even closer!  And this mother has some SERIOUS mental issues & while I'm not a professional counselor or therapist I believe what you're describing is called " Schizophrenia "     She needs PROFESSIONAL help immediately & that is the ONLY way to help her.   For the neighbors not to call DFS is irresponsible & yes that is society letting down the CHILDREN.  They have no voice or choice in any of this & they should be protected at all costs & yes that included the cost of the mother.   

  

As for what I say to "Just imagine what that must have felt like to in one day, in one second, to find out in front of everyone that your husband hates the way you raise your children, and your children really don't love you and that you need help because what you think is right is deadly wrong because nobody has told you any different."  Well I say, I don't think how this womans husband felt about the way she's raising the kids is all that new to her do you?  I mean him yelling at her & trying to make her see (a lot like trying to make you see) how her child rearing is more like abuse didn't get him very far did it?  Did you hear him tellher if it wasn't for the kids he'd have walked a long time ago?  She didn't think all the fighting with him over her screaming at the kids etc. was his approval of her parenting skills did she?  & screaming at your kids & calling them every 4 letter word in the book didn't make her think it was endearing her to her childre & have them worshiping her did she?  I don't need anyone to tell me this If I get nasty, mouth & mean that's what I'm gonna get in return.   

  

I do understand that people of abuse come to believe that this is just the way everyone lives & they don't know better.  This is how it's passed from one generation to the next and this would have been even more true years ago because no one spoke of abuse.  This is just not the case any more.  As someone else had mentioned it still isn't always brought out into the light when there's abuse in a family, but what to look for, what abuse is, how to get help & that abuse is wrong is ALL OVER NOW.  If someone is sitting watching Dr. Phil (like your "neighbor") she is no longer ignorant or  "not having been told any different".  Now if she still doesn't see her problem she's actually just in denial that she has a problem & she needs to STOP & think about her actions & what she needs to do to keep her children safe & yes that would be even from herself!  I imagine it's much easier for her to blame her neighbors for being nosiey or just not liking her or whatever other reason she'll come up with for them having been responsible & calling soical services.  Looking at myself I know the only way to help this woman on TV or anyone like "your neighbor" is to tell her she needs to seek help & of course if I'm close enough to know where you live to protect her children by calling DFS!  If she were in her right mind she's want her children protects at all costs & that would include her own cost.  I think you want to look back at all the posts of how these parents who abused their children came up with the justification for what they were doing & then rethink you neighbors actions & views on what's happening with her "neighbors".  Perhaps her view is distorted like you say & she just doesn't see!    You said "So in a word this is all of our faults because we are a society of not getting involved. "  You're right but people should get involved by making certain the children are all safe & if that means calling social services then yes that's what they should do.    

"They look fed and no bruises that a teacher or someone outside of the family has noticed" 

Is that your criteria for deciding a child needs help?  

I sat and watched (as you apparently did) as those two girls were ABUSED. Right in front of our eyes.  

  

You call someone on whom social services has been called 6 times in 3 years a good mother? I honestly don't believe that anyone would make such a serious charge for frivolous reasons. I know you can't make a charge like that without repercussions if they are knowingly false.  

  

I've only called social services once in my life and it was because a 4 year old child in our neighbourhood was being abused. I didn't see bruises and she looked well fed though so obviously the abuse she suffered would not have come to your attention. She was exhibiting overtly sexual behaviour and asked several boys if she could perform oral sex on them. The report was made and social services did not take her out of the home because they did not "see" any marks or evidence of sexual abuse... that came 2 years later when her parent moved from oral penetration. When I called Social Services, I was the 4th call of concern they'd received. The male in the home was arrested 2 years later for sexually assaulting her. The child had to put up with an extra 2 years of abuse due to the failure of Social Services to accept that a 4 year old girl who is even aware of oral sex is in a dangerous situation. The mother, who knew about both the reports and the abuse was granted full custody of the little girl. (wow, what a winning situation for that child)  

  

To say that because social services didn't take your friends children is maybe more an indictment on the social services department than an indication of your friends fitness to parent. 

  

As to the mother on the show "reaching out and asking for help" 

She appeared to be almost proud of her behaviour and defended it. She happily heaped the blame on her "drama queen" children and her husband.  

I do agree that the husband is a coward who is just as deserving of blame as the mother for allowing this to happen but there is NO DEFENSE for this mother. No past abuse allows her to do this to those girls. Her behaviour is abuse and the girls should have been removed from the situation until after she received help.