Replies to '11/24 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law'

Destiny, 

I was glad to see you post on behalf of Donna. She seemed like a nice person who loves her family very much. 

My Mommy and I watch the show all the time. I watch everyday unless I'm working and she watches when she gets home from work in time. Well today was one of those days where we both watched and we got on the phone to talk about it. We pretty much felt the same way about today's show. It might seem odd that I'm 33 and I refer to my mother as Mommy but I will always call her that, she is sweet and gentle, calm and patient and so much more. I'm VERY close to my Mommy and I could not and would not be with someone who couldn't handle that. Keep in mind though that my Mommy is not pushy or opinionated, she WILL NOT give advice unless you say "Mommy what should I do?" even then she wants to know what you've tried and what you think you should do. She will say very little and make you talk through the situation until you pretty much answer your own question. She is just as close to my SIL, they usually talk several times a week too. Mommy is just VERY easy to talk to. 

Now about Nikki, the one thing that stood out was that Nikki said the big wedding was always HER dream but Tommy will hear none of it. I think what didn't come through strongly enough is that it's Nikki's dream to have the big wedding. Just b/c she has always shared that dream with her mother doesn't make it any less HER DREAM. I think Donna's problem is that she doesn't want to see Nikki give up on this dream she had probably most of her life. Donna knows how important this is to Nikki and she doesn't want to see Nikki have to give it up. Yes she said she would feel "cheated" if she didn't get to see Nikki get married but I honestly think that if she felt it was Nikki's dream to go get married on the beach in Jamacia she would want to see that dream fullfilled just as much. Nikki has dreamed about this and planned it for years, she has a folder of wedding plans for goodness sake. She didn't go through all that planning dreaming and cutting out pictures all this time just for Donna, she did it b/c it is HER dream and she shouldn't give that up. I don't understand why they can't compromise and have the big wedding then go to Jamacia for their honneymoon and get married there on the beach as well. I'm quite sure that option has come up and Tommy will have none of it, of course I could be wrong. We have our opinions and theroys about Tommy but I'll keep that to myself  :-) 

Now about the family get-togethers; Personally, my family is pretty close and we get together as much as we can. It's not as often as we would like b/c we are all pretty busy. Maybe once a month in the summer (at the lake or boardwalk), then on holidays during the school year. My Fiance's parents' live in our house and his sister lives in Texas so luckily there is never a tug-of-war over who's family we will spend time with. We spend everyday with his parents plus the morning and evening of every holiday is spent with them and his sister is to far away, we live in NJ, so we just call. I would NEVER be with someone who did not enjoy the family get-togethers. It's just part of my life and the lives of my children that I'm not willing to give up. Nikki has to decide if she is willing to give that up or not. If she doesn't want to give that up then she needs to find someone who enjoys it as well. Some people are into it and some people aren't, if it is important to her, she shouldn't give it up, I know I never would. I can't help but think Nikki is "settling" (maybe I'm wrong) and that is something you should never do, I've done that and it NEVER works. Nikki has to be true to herself, you don't give up friends or family you love b/c the person you live with doesn't like them. That is the purpose of dating, you find out if the person fits into your life and if you fit into their's. You don't give up what you love and what makes you happy for someone else, you can't ever be truly happy that way and it's no way to start a marriage. Both people in the relationship DO however have to learn to compromise whenever possible, for example; My Fiance loves to watch baseball on TV, so while he watches baseball I go to the other room and watch what I want, no biggy. But there are things I would not compromise, Ex. I do not want people "partying" in my home around my kids, more specifically, I don't want my children around people who are drunk, a few beers or something is fine. When we go to his friend's house and everyone is drinking, we will stay until late afternoon/early evening, but when people start to get drunk, we go home. Some people don't mind that, the friends I'm talking about have kids and they don't mind, but that is up to them, for them it's not an issue, for me it is. I wanted to Home School my son, my fiance was DEAD SET against it, so I had to decide how important it was to me. If it was THAT important to me I would NOT have given in, again it's a personal choice. Personally I would NEVER give up my family get-togethers, I would NEVER give up the relationship I have with my Mommy, it is something I feel strongly about so I have to choose someone who is ok with that.  

Nikki has to decide what SHE feels strongly about and stick to it. You can't let anyone (partner or family) FORCE you to do something OR give something up that you love or feel strongly about. You HAVE to be true to yourself. 

I don't understand why they can't have both weddings, that just doesn't seem fair. Also if she wants to go to the get-togethers and he's not in the mood, why can't she just go herself? Sometimes we are invited to get-togethers and my Fiance is working or it's his one day off and he's to tired, the kids and I still go, no biggy. Sometimes his friends will invite us to go out drinking or to the casinos (I'm not particularly fond of either), if I feel like it I go if I don't feel like it, he can certainly still go. Dr.Phil has said that he liked to go play tennis before he went home from work, Robin didn't have to be there for him to go, I'm sure she would've been welcome if she DID want to be there but she didn't tell him he couldn't go b/c she wasn't into it.