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Replies to '06/28 Silent Darkness'
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February 28, 2007, 7:31 pm PST
 Quote From: yoshiyoshi What I meant by the statement, that physically disabled kids get all the help they could ever want. Was meant as from the perspective of a child who has mental disabilities. I have Asperger's Syndrome, and I was in the Special Ed system. Alot of times I was dismissed, as not needing help, because I didn't demonstrate needing help in a physical sense.
Also, now these days they are putting kids with drug problems, in Special Ed. So there also is a sense of, why's that druggy getting help when I was born with a disability. Why should they be getting babycoddled, when they had the choice to disable themselves with drugs. I never had a choice, I should get priority over them.
This is also an issue when it comes to the issue of mental, and physical disabilities. Alot of higher-functioning Autistics, or Aspies (short for Asperger's Syndrome), feel they're not being helped because they don't look autistic. Alot of times it seems, we'd get help if we acted Autistic and then said, "There now I look Autistic, now you'll have to help me." This would sound very crass to parents with classically Autistic children, but the reality is that's what it's like.
I've been sent to support groups who have told me, they support Asperger's Syndrome people. At one, I was put in responsibility of babysitting other lower-functioning Autistics. At another, I was placed in a therapy group that helped druggies. Nobody would put up with a classically Autistic child being sent to a help group, only to be told that they would be put in responsibility of the other children there. Yet, if someone doesn't look like they have problems, or if they act smart.
Most people will assume they don't have problems, and then act surprised when someone has a meltdown because they put too much pressure on someone who was Aspie, and realize that person needs support. That they might be smart, but that doesn't mean they will be able to, or put up with, being a babysitter rather than getting the support they were told they would get.
So as you can see, growing up not being retarded enough, but not being normal enough is very difficult. Nobody is out there giving support, because both sides have their excuses for why they don't need to help those on the higher end of the spectrum. So they simply don't get help. Then they wonder why higher functioning Autistics and Aspies aren't more social. When society has thrown them off to the side, to help everyone but them. My teen has multiple developmental delays & was classified as a Special Ed student throughout his public school career, although performing at grade level in most academic areas - very seldom did he get help truly targeted to his academic deficits & because of the lack of real aid, I often felt that his Special Ed assignment was primarily a way for the school to claim more federal funds while NOT providing needed services. However, I don't think the physically disabled students received proportionately better educational services at his school. I think you should be grateful that you're obviously intelligent & able to function independently in (apparently) most areas. Instead of wishing you could get more (probably low quality) Special Ed services, focus on your future & how best to accommodate your handicap - good luck with your future, I know you don't truly envy the deaf/blind/retarded! |
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February 28, 2007, 9:16 pm PST
Quote From: yoshiyoshi What I meant by the statement, that physically disabled kids get all the help they could ever want. Was meant as from the perspective of a child who has mental disabilities. I have Asperger's Syndrome, and I was in the Special Ed system. Alot of times I was dismissed, as not needing help, because I didn't demonstrate needing help in a physical sense.
Also, now these days they are putting kids with drug problems, in Special Ed. So there also is a sense of, why's that druggy getting help when I was born with a disability. Why should they be getting babycoddled, when they had the choice to disable themselves with drugs. I never had a choice, I should get priority over them.
This is also an issue when it comes to the issue of mental, and physical disabilities. Alot of higher-functioning Autistics, or Aspies (short for Asperger's Syndrome), feel they're not being helped because they don't look autistic. Alot of times it seems, we'd get help if we acted Autistic and then said, "There now I look Autistic, now you'll have to help me." This would sound very crass to parents with classically Autistic children, but the reality is that's what it's like.
I've been sent to support groups who have told me, they support Asperger's Syndrome people. At one, I was put in responsibility of babysitting other lower-functioning Autistics. At another, I was placed in a therapy group that helped druggies. Nobody would put up with a classically Autistic child being sent to a help group, only to be told that they would be put in responsibility of the other children there. Yet, if someone doesn't look like they have problems, or if they act smart.
Most people will assume they don't have problems, and then act surprised when someone has a meltdown because they put too much pressure on someone who was Aspie, and realize that person needs support. That they might be smart, but that doesn't mean they will be able to, or put up with, being a babysitter rather than getting the support they were told they would get.
So as you can see, growing up not being retarded enough, but not being normal enough is very difficult. Nobody is out there giving support, because both sides have their excuses for why they don't need to help those on the higher end of the spectrum. So they simply don't get help. Then they wonder why higher functioning Autistics and Aspies aren't more social. When society has thrown them off to the side, to help everyone but them. I agree with you about special ed. I think that it did my son more harm than good. I finally took him out of public schools and home schooled him. He began to learn after I had been told he would never learn to read, either by sight or phonics, and never learn to add zero plus zero. I was actually told that. And the fact that they do put kids with all types of disabilities and of sometimes vastly different ages makes the situation worse. Now you say they put kids with drug problems in these classes. The teachers surely must be very dedicated to their work to deal with the enormous demands of all these students with very unique needs. I don't think it sounds crass for you to say you must "act autistic" to get help. My son is high functioning and doesn't appear to be Autistic when first you meet him. But with time, you notice his speech can be awkward, meaning the rhythm and tone is off. Then you may notice odd physical gesturing. But he has such a good command of language and can carry on intelligent conversations, even teaching others at times, that people think he needs no help. Even the 'professional' totally freak when they see what you call a meltdown. He is like a totally different person. I tell them what to expect but it doesn't help. It still blows their minds. And many times, they take it personally, which makes the problem worse. He always fears he is doing something wrong and requires a lot of attention, reassurance and praise. But people neglect that because he doesn't appear to need these things. If he was lower functioning, he would not experience this neglect. It is appalling to me that you would be put in a position to babysit other Autistics at an Asperberger's Syndrome support group. If they don't understand what they're doing, what kind of understanding can we expect from others? But, as you say, this kind of lack of support comes from everywhere, including doctors of all specialties, school systems, hospitals and clinics. My son and I had matching t-shirts when he was about 5 yrs old. His read, "I'm Autistic. What the heck is your problem?" Mine read, "My child is Autistic. What the hell is your problem?" I loved them because people can be so rude and judgemental. I see my son going through what you describe as your own experience...not retarded enough and not normal enough. I understand your resentment. And I do think it is resentment and frustration rather than anger. I'm glad I got to read your perspective, being an Aspie yourself and I appreciate your sharing your experience. I regret that I didn't understand before that you were speaking from personal experience rather than that of a parent or other caregiver. I hope you find people who understand that you strive to fit in and lead a fulfilling life and, while you are high functioning, you do need support. We are out there, but difficult to find. And those of us who understand are often like me, without formal education, only life experience and self-study, to offer that support. And with so many Aspies and high functioning Autistics, why can't anyone find a way to put you all together for support? I wish my son could meet you and other people like you and even have the opportunity to have such people as his housemates. I think it would be beneficial to all.
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