Replies to 'General Advice'

Quote From: wendyleo037

Am I expecting too much of my children ages 4 and 2, to make it through a few errands in an afternoon?  We needed to go to the bank, the post office and the grocery store.  Is this too much to expect from two pre-schoolers? I don't understand what's going on because at home they are generally well-behaved, but as soon as we walk out the door....a different being takes over my four-year-old.  Am I just supposed to forgo errands and staying caught up with my life for a few years? Hannah (4) runs away from me, she doesn't do what she's told, she screams, takes off her seatbelt in the carseat and climbs all over the car, she cries hysterically, she grabs everything in sight.  I really feel bad for the two-year-old because she is just caught in the cross-fire, its almost like the poor thing just understands that mommy's head is going to explode if she starts acting out too.  So, she just sits quietly ignored, poor baby.  My four-year old is a challenging child, like "The Strong-Willed Child" or whatever, but we get by at home with a lot of creative discipline; coloring our feelings,  time-outs, and mom distracting by dancing around, making puppets, etc.  This takes so much energy out of me but I'm happy to do it because she's highly intelligent and this is the downside of that.  Its just when we are in public, everyone stares at me, I had three people comment to me on what they perceived as bad parenting on my part just today.  I said to Hannah the four-year-old, "Help me watch your sissy while I talk to the bank teller," and this women stopped me and said, "How is she supposed to be expected to watch her little sister?" and shook her head at me, sighing.  Well, dumb woman who has no business putting her nose in, it makes Hannah feel important like she's on my team if I give her something to be in charge of.  It usually makes her behave better, and who the heck are you to put your two senses in anyway?  This is the issue: children who are like my daughter: hyper, extremely intelligent, creative and challenging; are more difficult to discipline than other children.  Parents who sit there and shake their heads at you and say, "Haven't you tried time-outs?" have MELLOW children like my two-year-old.  Yes, actually, time-outs work like a charm for my two-year-old, I usually don't even have to go that far because she's so sensitive that the slight tweak of my tone will correct her behavior in a heartbeat.   I'm tired of people assuming I'm a bad parent because of the way my child behaves. I had another man tell me, "Bad children are the result of bad parents"....well I am the EXACT SAME DAMN parent to the perfectly WELL-BEHAVED child as I am to the HOLY TERROR.....so.....what do you make of that?  Why the heck don't people just mind their own business and walk a mile in someone else's shoes before trying to critize and judge?  Like I don't feel guilty enough that my child is screaming at the top of her lungs.  At the post office, my kid starting throwing a fit because she wanted me to buy her something there, so she wasn't going to leave and then the two-year-old wasn't going to leave either so I had to pick up Haleigh (2) and hold Hannah's hand, firmly (practically dragging her to the car.)  I didn't have a free hand to carry the rest of my packages, so I went and put them in the car, parked it in the emergency lane, put the emergency lights on and SPRINTED, RAN LIKE HELL, back inside got my packages and SPRINTED back, having not taken my eyes off them for more than 10 seconds (I'm a marathon runner, I could run around the whole building in 20 seconds if I wanted.)  Just enough time for her to get herself out of the car, right as I was sprinting back.....a woman looked at her EXTREMELY MELLOW child and said, "I love you, I would never leave you in the car." just loud enough for me to hear and then shot me a glare.   Like I don't love my kids, that's why I'm breaking a sweat at the POST OFFICE.....What the heck was I supposed to do, teleport the packages to my car?  Its funny how all these people offer me judgement, glares, stares, but did one single person offer to help me with the boxes, or so much as hold open a door for me....no!   The real issue is that I feel guilty myself so whenever someone comments, I take it personally and it makes me feel more guilty.  I'm constantly getting those looks from the old men (who you know probably just beat their kids...) that say, "Get control of your kids for goodness sakes." But why do I even bother paying attention to them when my attention should clearly be more focused on my kids and being the kind of creative parent I am at home.  Its really just the stares and comments and rudeness from people that get me overwhelmed, not my kids.  Why don't I see too much advice on here specifically about being out in public?  Does anyone know the link?