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Replies to '09/19 "Afraid of My Mom"'
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September 20, 2005, 11:08 am PDT
 Quote From: momakababe But I do think that a huge part of recovery is actually seeing you have a problem & I think that's her problem she doesn't. Look how many are here that identify with her & while they "feel sorry for the kids too" they'll understand why she does what she does & try to put the responsibility on all but her!? I think this is the way that she & others are able to continue with their behavior to say "this is why" the responsibility is on someone else & they go along "wishing to change". But I think this is just part of the distortion created by what ever trauma they had in their life at some point you know what I mean? It is interesting how there are such different out comes when a child of abuse grows up. I mean there are some who continue the cycle & then others that resolve to not ever let that happen & they don't.
For you I believe you recognizing it sets you up to see your limit & control it. Good for you for allowing yourself the self discovery & the strenght to grow this way. I am one of those who grew up with both physical and emotional abuse from a very, very young age. The woman in the show was mild, compared to what I experienced. My mother's anger stemmed from living with my father, a bad alchoholic. Like the woman on the show, my mother just took out her rage on the kids (mainly me, not so much my brother) because we happened to be there. She took over, took control of us, as that was the only thing in her life that she could control. She could not control my father's drinking, losing jobs, etc. etc.
Watching that show actually made me feel physically sick inside - I could not sleep last night because of it. It was very difficult to watch that young girl hiding in the closet, where I, myself, used to run for cover and even spend the night, out of sheer terror. Her episode of almost vomiting was all-too-familiar to me. My life at hoome was all a big secret - nobody knew, but friends suspected.
My mother finally calmed down when my father discovered AA and stopped drinking, and my mother started going to Al-Anon meetings. It took my father hitting rock bottom, and my mother going after him with a butcher knife, threatening to kill him, (I remember that night) to make him finally admit he had a problem and needed to seek help.
But I grew up KNOWING it was wrong, wrong, wrong. I vowed to NEVER, EVER treat my children like that, and I don't. I never will. I've never touched my child. I've never used such hurtful words or insults. I don't EVER call him names or use bad language. Because I REMEMBER what it felt like. I discipline him, sure, but NEVER anything remotely hurtful.
Years ago, I had some therapy for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrom, and talking about things did help me, and I am sure those two little girls can benefit from any therapy Dr. Phil arranges for them, but they are already scarred. For me, to this day, even watching a television show like that Dr. Phil episode can bring on symptoms of nausea and terrible anxiety.
Unfortunately, the flip side of Grown Victims of Abuse is that they do abuse their children, doing what was done to them. It is more like a REVENGE - like the woman explained.
I hope so much that someone take those children away before it is too late. Please.
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