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Replies to '08/08 Weddings Gone Bad'
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May 5, 2007, 5:26 pm PDT
 Quote From: kilcolgan Hi, On monday 12th march my husband of 16 years moved out. We have two teenage children.15 and 13 years. We have not had a happy marriage and I was pregnant when we got married. For some reason my husband has continued to throw this at me for most of our married life. I know now that this was a symptom of the fact that he was not in love with me and was looking to blame me for getting himself in this mess. We continued with our marriage. I can say that he did not try very hard to commit to it. He became more withdrawn over the years and even though I kept trying to be loving and caring. He progressed to spending most of his time on the internet and has become addicted to pornography. He has also become addicted to a site he has virtual girlfriends from all over the world that of course are busty and sexy images. He has just recently started contacting them via phone and so this is no longer 'virtual'. I have cried bitter tears and did the wailing thing when you hurt so badly that it is the only release from the pain. I was never really good enough for him. Never thin enough, or intelligent enough etc etc. My children are more pragmatic and say he is gone forget about him.. That is probably because he has hurt them over the years by not giving them the attention that they deserved. I make sure that they see him so that they can keep up the contact with him. but this is only the start and financially and emotionally the pain is going to be with us for a while.. On a positive note i am determined to get over this. I am going to give myself until my 45th birthday in may and then i am going to live as an emotionally independent woman. I will not want to invest any more time on mourning his departure. Who ever gets him next is welcome to him. Dear Kilkocan, I have read your letter to Dr. Phil, and I wanted to address this to you and only you. As I was reading you email, I am a man of 47, with 3 girls all gone now, and they have given me 5 grandsons to see grow up. This husband that you have wasted thousands of hugs and kisses on, not counting the "I love yous" at bedtime thinking to yourself, "please tell me that you love me too" and really mean it. Probably the only time he wanted you was when he was wanting to have sex for his own pleasure, not nothing to satisfy you as a lover. I am as I said a man, and consider myself a man as well, but this "X" of yours was never taught the word, or what it was. Never in my life I would let anyone in my presence treat you that way, treat you for what he and only him can get what he wanted out of you. Drain you until there is nothing left to drain and then still at least try to get more from you. I would bet when B-days, and ann. and things of that nature would come around he would NEVER go out of his way to treat you right, would he? I can say this honey, there is a road ahead of you, and there are allot of people that are good out there, if your ever out there and he sees you with someone, please don't ;et the crying and the "I'm so sorry for what I did" get to you, because after awhile it will all come back to you all over again. One more thing and I will let go, I can only wish, that I was the one taking you out on the 45th B-day, and we would run across his path. You take care and don't waist anymore kisses on anyone that won't pucker up and give a good and meaningful one back, right in the heart !!. You take care of those kids and yourself and tomorrow God will give you another day to see good thing that are ahead of you. Tim |
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