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Replies to 'Depression'
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March 19, 2007, 1:06 pm PDT
 Quote From: foxylass Hi there,
I'm a 38yr old ,single,Australian Woman. I am an RN & Midwife by occupation. Secondary to an extremely stressful 1996 which saw me being bullied at work,returning to part-time university study and my grandmother dying I naturally became depressed. Unfortunately I had an adverse within two weeks of commencing the SSRI ant-depressant Zoloft. I suddenly became suicidal. This lead me down an unforgettably horrible road of having the meds increased,anti-psychotics added , ECT and frequently changing diagnoses. Eventually the psychiatrist decided I was schizophrenic ! He commenced me on Seroquel and Clozapine. I gained 77 pounds in less than six months , was extremely suicidal and couldn't string a sentence together. I came close to perishing at the hands of this madman who called himself a psychiatrist. He refused to discuss my condition with any family members. Citing that I was over 18yrs old and it was confidential. This was despite me having never instructed or suggesting he do so. I was admitted to a locked psychiatric ward after trying to suicide. He outlined a grim future of drugs,ECT , having to resign from working and being cared for by others for the rest of my days. Would you want to live after being told that ? I was held for almost 9mths there. Eventually I was released after my father threatened to take out guardianship over me. I was flown from New South Wales to Queensland. The psychiatrists there concluded I was had never suffered from any schizoid illness. I was depressed and had PTSD due to earlier traumas in my life. After 18months of similar treatment I flew to the US for a holiday. There I tipped the Clozaril down the toilet after suffering signs of possible heart failure ( possible side effect of Clozaril ). When I arrived home the withdrawal symptoms began. I became hypomanic for a week and then severely depresssed. Again I ended up in hospital being locked away for my own safety ! Shortly after that whilst in hospital I became angry. I began kicking a reinforced gate relentlessly. Rather than allowing me this outlet for my anger , hospital staff called security , sedated me and left me in a seclusion room for 12 hrs. They said that I was being violent. I was not near any patients or staff and it was impossible to harm the reinforced gate ! After recovering from the drugged daze I sat and wrote a long list of goals,how I would acheive them and the time frame to do so. They were surprised but scoffed that I was aiming too high. I proved them wrong and achieved each goal on that list in the time frames I had set. I lost 77 pounds in less than 8mths with vigourous exercise and a healthy diet. ( Meds caused weight gain , over stimulated apppetite and decreased thyroid function.). I returned to Nursing and gained further qualifications. I weaned myself off all meds and sought counseling for my PTSD. My personality has changed dramatically not to mention regaining my body again after almost a decade. I am writing a book about my experience and hopefully will publish it next year. If I can give any advice it is look before you leap. Don't have blind faith in psychiatry. Psychologists , a good diet , exercise and support is preferable. They cannot tell which people will react like I did to SSRIs. It is not mandatory for doctors to report it at all. So the number of affected people goes unnoted. SSRI meds ARE ADDICTIVE. You WILL experience physical withdrawal if you attempt to reduce dosage or stop the drug. Serotonin levels in the brain are not able to measured in any individual. There is no way of testing it. If you increase serotonin levels in some peole they will become inexplicably suicidal suddenly. Please read literature published by Dr David Healy, UK. Don't become a statistic. More people suicide on SSRIs than those taking nothing at all. Choose your doctor and advice as carefully as you would a tradesman building your home. If it doesn't feel or sound right listen to your gut instincts. They are there to protect us from harm. If I had listened to mine I might have climbed the ladder in my career , had a family or be well on the way to owning a home. Doctors/psychiatrists are educated by drug companies. They are offered gifts, funding etc for prescribing a given psychiatric drug to X number of people per month. The drug companies are not forced to publish negative studies about their drugs. Hello and welcome to the boards! Wow...what an experience you've had over a number of years...I was astounded by your story. I am also 38 years old but U.S. born. I am a clinical social worker. I am shocked that the Psychiatrist that worked with you did not look into the possibility that you were having an adverse reaction to the drugs that you were taking seeing as there seemed to be such as sudden change in only 2 weeks time. We rely on medical professionals to do their job and do it well but unfortunately...as in your circumstances...sometiems they don't. Although that Psychiatrist was right about the confidentiality rule...he was in error in not talking to you about whether or not it was ok to talk to your family because that is your right...it's called self-determination and that is what Psychiatrists, Social workers, and Psychologists should be living by is the patient's right to self-determination as long as they're capable of making that determination because sometimes they're not admittedly. In your case he screwed up from day one. That Psychiatrist sounds dangerous, however the Psychiatrists in Queensland were obviously more on the ball and provided you with what seems to be a more accurate diagnosis, so at least we can say there are some competent Psychiatrists out there but I agree with you in that we should question and use our gut instinct if we're unsure or don't feel right about something. Too often doctors do not listen because they feel that since they are the "professional" they know your body and your mind better than you do. I don't know how you responded to being hypomanic and then severely depressed...if you became suicidal again...it is mandatory that you are put in a hospital for your own safety...that as a social worker I agree with if you were threatening to harm yourself or someone else. I can see why you would be rageful while in the hospital after all that had happened to you. I used to work in Psychiatric ward while I was working on my masters in social work. I worked in the intensive treatment unit and that unit was for those who could not handle life on the regular psychiatric unit so they were actively psychotic. When a psychiatric, or any other patient in a hospital begins kicking or otherwise appears threatening...it is mandatory to seclude the individual because honestly...bye kicikng a reinforced gate, you could in fact hurt yourself. It is their duty to try to calm you down first so that they don't have to sedate you and/or seclude you...however if you did not respond to their demands of you ceasing your kicking...then they had no choice. It's for you safety and yes potentially for the safety of others. I don't think they were concerned about the gate...that's replaceable if you did do harm to it...they're concerned about what you might do to your body because you're so rageful and unable to comply to the rules of the unit. Please understand that I am not diminishing your pain and the horrible way you were treated and locked away because of a misdiagnosis because that is terribly wrong and traumatic. But do understand that there are rules in hospitals whether you're on a psychiatric unit or not and kicking or otherwise rageful behavior is looked upon as potentially violent and threatening to the patient and possibly others. They really have no choice in that regard. You are a very strong woman and I commend you for that strength and your courage to fight your way through all the trauma that you endured. I think writing a book is a fantastic idea because you have a lot to say. I just hope your anger doesn't cloud the fact that there are some good Psychiatrists out there. There are bad doctors, and good doctors, bad social workers, and good ones, etc. I had to go to Psychiatrist too and was also locked away because I was a danger to myself at 16. I was there for over 2 months and I was very rageful, which is how I wound up there...I tried to kill myself with my anti-depressants. I don't recall what I was on at the time and the therapist that I was seeing at the time was an idiot and pushed me too hard when I told her I couldn't talk about what was bothering me at the time...but they put me on Imiprimine in the hospital and the Psychiatrist not only dispensed the medication, but provided me with therapy as well. He was a very, very good doctor actually, and a very good therapist. I saw him for around 10 years. He helped me help myself and I am grateful that he stuck it out with me. It is because of him and my experience in the hospital that I chose to become a social worker to be honest...it is also because of that experience that I chose to work in a Psychiatric Unit...it was closure for me and it was about heading straight into a demon of mine and looking at it in the face to conquer it. You're absolutely right in that people should pick and choose their doctors, therapists, etc. wisely. I agree not to have blind faith...but I do think that medication can help many but it is not always necessary to be on medication. If someone is actively suicial however they do wind up in a hospital and medication is used to regulate their extreme emotions but it usually watched carefully...however with you...it doesn't appear that this was the case. I've always felt that medication coupled with therapy is incredibly helpful should medication be necessary. The patient does need to be aware of how they're feeling and you're right they need to take an active role and listen to their bodies and their minds. You have the right for self-determination. When I used to work with high school kids...I always told them when I had to call their parents...regardless of whether or not they were 18. They always knew when and why I was doing what I was doing because people deserve the respect of communiation because instilling trust is imperative in creating and maintaining a rapport with an individual. I would always try to get the student to talk with their own parents...they deserve that choice first, but if I had to, then they knew it and why. Again please understand that I am in no way degrading your anger and resentment about being misdiagnsed and the traumas that resulted from that. I do believe that there are doctors that misuse drugs and use them too often at times though I still think there are situations in where it's a good idea, at least for the short-term to use them...and yes I do agree that anti-depressants are in fact addictive regardless of what Psychiatrists say because I remember going through the withdrawal and throwing up because I was on vacation with my parents and we forgot to bring the drug. The way in which I got off my anti-depressants was very...very slowly. I cut each pill in half and really listened to my body and how I was feeling and how I was thinking. I took me 1 1/2 years to get off the medication but I was successful without any major withdrawal issues because I took it so slow. These doctors say that there is no addictive quality however again I think they're wrong...if that were the case...then why would we need them to help us lower the dosage...why is it considered dangerous to just "stop" taking an anti-depressant after being on it for a long time? That never made sense to me and frankly still doesn't. The last thing I'll say, and it's repeating what I said above...is that medication in my opinion is not always necessary, but yet sometimes it is. It may take more than one try to find a medication that works if therapy alone isn't working. Since depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain...depending on the severity will depend on how necessary medication is. However medication should never be taken thinking that it will be the cure because when it comes to depression...medication isn't the cure-all. Always be aware of how you're thinking and feeling and communicate with your doctor if you are on medication. Tell him/her what you're thinking and feeling and if you don't like them...you can always go to someone else. You do not have to keep going to a doctor that you don't feel is respecting you as a human being. Thank you for telling us your story and when you do write a book...I'd be interested in when it comes out and what the title is. I've thought about writing a book myself to be honest...maybe one day I will. Take care of yourself and I hope you stick around. The people on here are very kind, compassionate, and incredibly supportive. It's usually a very active board. Hope to see you online soon! Kirsten  |
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March 19, 2007, 3:11 pm PDT
Quote From: foxylass Hi there,
I'm a 38yr old ,single,Australian Woman. I am an RN & Midwife by occupation. Secondary to an extremely stressful 1996 which saw me being bullied at work,returning to part-time university study and my grandmother dying I naturally became depressed. Unfortunately I had an adverse within two weeks of commencing the SSRI ant-depressant Zoloft. I suddenly became suicidal. This lead me down an unforgettably horrible road of having the meds increased,anti-psychotics added , ECT and frequently changing diagnoses. Eventually the psychiatrist decided I was schizophrenic ! He commenced me on Seroquel and Clozapine. I gained 77 pounds in less than six months , was extremely suicidal and couldn't string a sentence together. I came close to perishing at the hands of this madman who called himself a psychiatrist. He refused to discuss my condition with any family members. Citing that I was over 18yrs old and it was confidential. This was despite me having never instructed or suggesting he do so. I was admitted to a locked psychiatric ward after trying to suicide. He outlined a grim future of drugs,ECT , having to resign from working and being cared for by others for the rest of my days. Would you want to live after being told that ? I was held for almost 9mths there. Eventually I was released after my father threatened to take out guardianship over me. I was flown from New South Wales to Queensland. The psychiatrists there concluded I was had never suffered from any schizoid illness. I was depressed and had PTSD due to earlier traumas in my life. After 18months of similar treatment I flew to the US for a holiday. There I tipped the Clozaril down the toilet after suffering signs of possible heart failure ( possible side effect of Clozaril ). When I arrived home the withdrawal symptoms began. I became hypomanic for a week and then severely depresssed. Again I ended up in hospital being locked away for my own safety ! Shortly after that whilst in hospital I became angry. I began kicking a reinforced gate relentlessly. Rather than allowing me this outlet for my anger , hospital staff called security , sedated me and left me in a seclusion room for 12 hrs. They said that I was being violent. I was not near any patients or staff and it was impossible to harm the reinforced gate ! After recovering from the drugged daze I sat and wrote a long list of goals,how I would acheive them and the time frame to do so. They were surprised but scoffed that I was aiming too high. I proved them wrong and achieved each goal on that list in the time frames I had set. I lost 77 pounds in less than 8mths with vigourous exercise and a healthy diet. ( Meds caused weight gain , over stimulated apppetite and decreased thyroid function.). I returned to Nursing and gained further qualifications. I weaned myself off all meds and sought counseling for my PTSD. My personality has changed dramatically not to mention regaining my body again after almost a decade. I am writing a book about my experience and hopefully will publish it next year. If I can give any advice it is look before you leap. Don't have blind faith in psychiatry. Psychologists , a good diet , exercise and support is preferable. They cannot tell which people will react like I did to SSRIs. It is not mandatory for doctors to report it at all. So the number of affected people goes unnoted. SSRI meds ARE ADDICTIVE. You WILL experience physical withdrawal if you attempt to reduce dosage or stop the drug. Serotonin levels in the brain are not able to measured in any individual. There is no way of testing it. If you increase serotonin levels in some peole they will become inexplicably suicidal suddenly. Please read literature published by Dr David Healy, UK. Don't become a statistic. More people suicide on SSRIs than those taking nothing at all. Choose your doctor and advice as carefully as you would a tradesman building your home. If it doesn't feel or sound right listen to your gut instincts. They are there to protect us from harm. If I had listened to mine I might have climbed the ladder in my career , had a family or be well on the way to owning a home. Doctors/psychiatrists are educated by drug companies. They are offered gifts, funding etc for prescribing a given psychiatric drug to X number of people per month. The drug companies are not forced to publish negative studies about their drugs. Wish i could tell you my name ,but its a long stroy. I agree with everything you said. I was on aropax and tried to commit suicide myself. 2 years after that but dad was successful in his suicide and died. he also was on drugs but was depressed from the vietnam war always was. after dad died i went to a pshyc/doctor and told him i want to get over my depression with out any drugs what so ever,and lucky that he supported me in that . after the episodes i had with aropax i didnt want to ever go there again. i still battle every day with depression,but im still here and still carrying on. i think you are so brave with everything you have gone through. and its great you are going after your goals. im trying to do the same myself. i hope you get your book finished.people need to be aware that not always is drugs the answer to depression. but my friend was on them and she did really well on them,but im afraid alot of people dont do so well on them.so many of us think a pill will cure everything. i felt like i was in a daze walking around like a zombie with my mouth open.hated every minute of it,felt worse then i did before i took them,it was the saddest i ever felt,it was horrible for me. my worst nightmare was to end up in one of those hospitals you ended up in,how did you cope i would have been so scared.it would have been frightening.one of my friends ended up there and every day i went to see her she looked worse then she ever did,she looked so scared and so alone,she couldnt wait to see me so she could have some reality. what p**sed me off was the fact they had men in with the women,drug addicts with alcoholics and people with schizophrinia with them too,they should be all seperated as they have different needs,it was a stupid set up if you ask me.and it wasnt un heard of that girls were being raped . the hole place discusted me,i thought how can they do this people,are these people worth nothing. anyway i could go on for hours about this topic and so glad you brought it up. keep going girl,if noone does nothing about mental illness nothing will change,your voice is important. YOU GO GIRL!  GODDESS OF HOPE |
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