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Replies to '03/21 When In-Laws Cross the Line'
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March 19, 2007, 4:48 pm PDT
 Quote From: cynkcor Too late now, but never a good thing to be your own son's 'best friend.' Would be awfully easy for the new bride to become jealous ... and it is written that 'they two shall become one.' And you did say, 'I love my son....' You didn't say without thinking that I love my son and his wife. I think you have said more than you realized and have offended them somehow. Also I don't think you are taking into account that there is a new life, they have friends, jobs, home to care for, other family. Perhaps you don't sit back and let them set the pace for your relationship. Perhaps they feel you are too demanding of their time (or of his time). Best to be a soft place to land, answer their letters, if any, answer their calls, send an email or text message holiday greeting for all of the holidays. The fact that the bride's mother dropped you like a hot potato makes me think that (since she should be empathetic) you have said or done something, perhaps unknowingly...
BTW, what would possess you to call the police????? Whoa! Lady, that's bordering on nuts! No sure where you are coming from in not wanting to be a friend to your children. This is when they are adults. He lived with us til mid 20s. His father and him had a lot in common.
The new bride is not jealous. We have never even been close to them. We live over 1000 miles apart. We and I love our son, DIL and granddaughter. We know our son better. Our DIL has not given us the opportunity to get to know her. She cut us off. The 3 times we have been together - staying with them, which is admittedly hard on any inlaw relationship (but due to distance) - conversations have been so shallow. We are not demanding. In three years, we have spent like 3 weeks together. Not enough time to know any one very well. We don't get calls or emails to respond to. We send them, with no response now. The bride's mother has a history of stopping talking to people. She has done it with other family and friends. That is the way she deals with differences or whatever. But I never thought it would happen to me for she was so loving and talked to me as if she wanted our families to be so close. And she emailed and talked to me on visits prior to the marriage. After the grand daughter came, it changed. Go figure? I don't understand this behavior. It is not good for anyone of the families involved.
The reason my husband called the police is because of the big change in internet usage - we communcate with blogs and also have a website, that our son manages. No activity for weeks and no phone replies at work phone made us worry. We thought they moved in with Mother in law there, waiting to get into their home - but did not know where they were. With all the horror stories you hear on TV today, it is important to let family know you are alive. We honestly were worried something happened. (Besides that we were regularly getting phone calles from a financial institute looking for them too) So I think this reaction is really a normal reaction for a normal caring parent.
We are not nuts. We are very concerned for our family and do not understand the separation.
So do you have MIL problems that you would reacte this way?
I have had a nurse practioner, who was caring for me during a visit, share we me her MIL problems. Afte she asked me why I was so sad. Her comment to me was if she has a MIL like me, she would count her blessings. I don't think you know my heart or me at all to make these evaluations.
I am deeply hurt and love all my children. And all I want is reconciliation. I do not want control over them. I want communication with them. And the ability to support them.
Looking for some real advice! |
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