Quote From: yamama187about what sex addiction specialists call "Co-addiction". It's not the easiest thing in the world to understand or articulate, but the basic idea is that an addict in a family actually causes other members of the family to be drawn into the addiction in some way, shape, form, or fashion. To be more specific, spouses of the addict, in some cases, tend to obsess about their husband/wife's addiction, in effect, becoming addicted to their spouse's addiction (I told you it wasn't easy to understand or articulate :)).
Some women become enraged, lashing out verbally or physically at their sex-addicted (or alcoholic or drug addicted) spouse, making matters worse. Some women become obsessed with "checking up" on their husbands, checking the history files on the computer, searching their homes/cars/offices for 'contraband', checking their underwear in the clothes hamper, etc. etc. etc. It becomes an obsession that these women are powerless to, and hence, they are co-addicted.
Another example of co-addiction would be sheltering or enabling the addict, and it could take many forms. Lying for him, covering up for his behavior, denying his behavior, making excuses for him, and on and on and on.
Communication is the first step towards exposing the reality of the problem and taking the turn down the road of recovery. Demand rigorous honesty.
by your very defination (obsessively checking up on him to name one). I finally just ask myself what I wanted and not being his porn cop was one of the answers. When I was tempted to get all upset and spend endless hours doing another search, I took a deep breath and said "Piss on it!" It doesn't do any good and just keeps me upset and going around in circles. I was very honest when we had our talk and told him things I had previously kept to myself. I felt much better about me and it lifted some of the weight off me. When I started believing I was in charge of my life - no matter what he did or didn't do - it empowered me. I'm still with him for my own reasons that I own and don't feel guilty about. He told me his porn use had absolutely nothing to do with me and has never affected his love for me. He just puts that part of his life in a compartment, so to speak. At least when we are calmly talking and being honest, I can understand how he sees it without taking it so personally. ANd that's really important. I hope the honesty contiues and maybe next, he'll actually admit he masturbates.
