|
April 26, 2008, 5:49 pm PDT
Healing the pain
Quote From: hun911I was in a relationship with someone for three years. He went through a personal trajedy and was unable to deal with it, ultimately leading to a breakup. Six months later he came to me saying that he had made a huge mistake and apologized for pulling away from me. I am having a very hard time forgiving him for just letting me go. We have talked about this numerous times and I have explained everythign to him and him to me. This was about one month ago, but for the past couple of weeks we haven't been getting along. I know it stems from my bitterness and I think he has kinda lost his patience. We are unable to speak without talking about US, and it is getting us no where. Since this fighting, there are doubts going through both of our heads. He is the type of person that needs some space, like less frequent phone calls, etc. He thinks we both need to think. Is space okay?? I just need some advice on whether or not we can salvage this, I really want to but I think I may have pushed him away by how hurt and non-accepting I was when he was trying to get me back. Any advice????? You didn't say what the personal tragety was or how he was unable to deal with it - but that seems like the root of the matter. It's hard to predict what each of us would do when faced with deep emotional pain. I've personally seen people change overnight in response to the sudden death of a loved one. If someone can't handle the feelings themselves that really need to speak with a therapist. And they'll also need the support of their loved ones.
That he came back, has apologized, and wants to make a go of it seems to me like a good thing. He may still need to talk to someone not only to put these events to rest but also to learn tools to handle these situations in the future.
As for your feelings, you may need to attend a couple session(s) with this same therapist or counsellor. Yes, you have a right to feel hurt but it sounds like it's poisioning the relationship.
As for the issue of space this is another topic of conversation with a counsellor. You said you were together for three years before this all started. Did you feel the relationship was going somewhere (marriage). Was space an issue before? Some space is healthy and good but it can also lead to disconnecting with your partner.
Hope this helps.
|
