Replies to '04/04 Did He or Didn't He?'

Hi I'm sorry for your father &/or you.   I have to say however that our first priority has to be to our children.  You're right in that this is not a new crime much the same as drunken driving but I think there are some major differences.   I'm a forthy something too & back in the day we all thought we could "have a couple & I'm still straight to drive" & then learned later that wasn't really the case.  What 1 glass of wine is to my husband is like 3 glasses of wine for me.  1 glass & my driving is impaired.  Again back in the day we didn't know this & I think it took years to realize the difference between a DUI & DWI & to realize that if we're going to have a drink we want a designated driver period & he/she can't drink at all or stop hours prior to getting behind the wheel.  

Child molesters have *always known what they are doing* & they've used shame and intimadation to silence their victims.  Just like a child can be manipulated to believe something happened when it didn't they can be scared into not ever uttering a word of it.  And you're right it is HORRID.  This is the reason for this crime to have taken place for so long & for the adult world to not have realized it.  What normal adult would have ever considered adults hurting children in such a manner?  Unlike drinking however there was no innocense  on the part of the preditors.  The idea that for so many years the parent who knew of this & did nothing because they didn't want the shame on the family, them or to have to divorce etc. allowed these abusers to go on & outraged many.  Again it was "horrid". 

The idea that now if &/or when a parent finds out that there is abuse that they are likely to act accordingly to me is a good thing.  The idea of a woman finding out that a child is being hurt at the hands of a father or in-law or someone else & is unable to stop unsupervised visits in the name of the child being "used as a pawn" sets us back as a society.  The well being of that child has to be taken into account first.  So made up story or not the visits have to be supervised untilit's certain this child is safe.  I know that a child being used as a pawn is painful & detromental to the other parent & even to the child but I think that to erre on the side of caution until a child is to be proved to be in a *save* place when alone with this person must come first.  There is also a web site that is for survivors of child abuse (sexual & other) & I think that before taking a stand for those fausly accused one needs to hear those stories & see the destruction done by these preditors.  There are SO MANY that were left to the hands of their tormentors & mother was unable to do anything to protect them when she had the guts to leave the father.  And I'm sorry but I believe that every spousal abuser out there is capable of hurting a child as a means of hurting the parent that left them.  If a mother suspects an abusive husband is hurting a child or vise versa then I think the well being of the child trumps the rights of the abusive spouse.    They should have unsperviced visitation canceld until it's certain that this child is really ok.  You seem to feel that we should question the childrens word &/or the word of their parent prior to the word of an accused preditor  & I just disagree.  I think a person is innocent until proven guilty but even in the light of that I think a child's safety comes first & that thee should be *no chance* of an accused preditor having access to a child alone.  If that's too harsh I'm sorry but the people I have empathy for are the people who had to live with *years* of abuse sexual & otherwise with no one believing them & with custody in some cases being *given to the abuser*.  To me that is unacceptable & until a court is certain a child is safe they must be protected. 

And also I'm not sure who is on this list but I don't believe that unless a child is convicted as an adult that their record is made public.  I only thought that a child is convicted as an adult if the charge is extremely serious like having murdered someone. 

You want people to "question first, and convict later".  I say remove the child from the preditor, protect the children  & make him/her safe first & then we can worry about the rights of the adults.