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Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'
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April 7, 2007, 9:57 am PDT
 Quote From: blgspc Or at least thats been my experience! Hi, Guys! Been doing that work thang!
One of the things that Ive noticed about myself and negative thinking is: I can be just ranting away in my head about MY OWN choice to build a home right next door to my mother and her constant, ceaseless, unwelcome and exhausting drama or just really be bummed-out (this is what Marcia could genuinely call a pity party. Because most of the time I dont really have a VALID reason to be discouraged!) However, when I get to work it only takes me a couple of minutes to find someone who REALLY has a genuine reason to be distressed! Then, I feel foolish! Generally, that one experience keeps me focused on what real distress looks like. I usually spend the rest of that self time in my head- what little I have at work- working on gratitude! I do believe that escaping what Marcia calls the old is more difficult because its what we have lived for so long. I believe that when the old gets re-enforced later in life, it becomes a MONSTER! For example: I spent most of my life around my mother waiting for the next shoe to fall, waiting for the next catastrophe- the next disaster- always sure that it was just a matter of time before something dreadful happened and that would be my fault, also. I wasnt smart enough. I just didnt measure-up. I was inherently flawed. Doing well, consistently getting Exceeds Expectations on my evaluations, even getting commendations, didnt change my thinking.
Im writing, now. My organizational skills are extremely poor. (Learning organizational skills from a Schizophrenic is definitely a mistake!) I muddle through.
Marcia, you just keeps on finding whatever it is that is impeding you and find a solution!
Sorry, to hear that you were sick, Linda. Hope that youre all better. Among the patients Ive seen several are REALLY struggling with allergies. Allergies that keep the sinuses and other parts of the upper respiratory system so inflamed that they wind up with bronchitis or sinusitis or both.
Ive really missed you guys,
Brenda Hi Brenda, and thanx, I'm better now. I was hit by cold chills when I read your post. I've had "coincidences" happen to me all of my life, and some are downright eerie. I'm currently reading a book called MONSTER LIES by Sally Franz and Jennifer Webb. In my opinion it is a great companion piece to SELF MATTERS, in that in expounds on the chapter where Dr Phil has you slow down your thinking and pinpoint the tapes you play in your head that undermine you. And here you were, examining your own negative thinking, and labeling old thinking as MONSTER. Wavelengths or what? In the book, our patterns of thought are catagorized and given a name, description, and even a distinctive sounding voice. They are all monsters. Although the authors have identified over 75 monsters that we fall prey to, they deal with the 12 most common patterns that our thoughts fall into. I think you would benefit from this, Brenda. For those that get stuck in the chapter dealing with our tapes, this is an excellent resource. I urge you to look for this book. I found it at the library, but I'm going to buy it as I can see that I will refer to it often. |
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April 7, 2007, 11:54 am PDT
Quote From: blgspc Or at least thats been my experience! Hi, Guys! Been doing that work thang!
One of the things that Ive noticed about myself and negative thinking is: I can be just ranting away in my head about MY OWN choice to build a home right next door to my mother and her constant, ceaseless, unwelcome and exhausting drama or just really be bummed-out (this is what Marcia could genuinely call a pity party. Because most of the time I dont really have a VALID reason to be discouraged!) However, when I get to work it only takes me a couple of minutes to find someone who REALLY has a genuine reason to be distressed! Then, I feel foolish! Generally, that one experience keeps me focused on what real distress looks like. I usually spend the rest of that self time in my head- what little I have at work- working on gratitude! I do believe that escaping what Marcia calls the old is more difficult because its what we have lived for so long. I believe that when the old gets re-enforced later in life, it becomes a MONSTER! For example: I spent most of my life around my mother waiting for the next shoe to fall, waiting for the next catastrophe- the next disaster- always sure that it was just a matter of time before something dreadful happened and that would be my fault, also. I wasnt smart enough. I just didnt measure-up. I was inherently flawed. Doing well, consistently getting Exceeds Expectations on my evaluations, even getting commendations, didnt change my thinking.
Im writing, now. My organizational skills are extremely poor. (Learning organizational skills from a Schizophrenic is definitely a mistake!) I muddle through.
Marcia, you just keeps on finding whatever it is that is impeding you and find a solution!
Sorry, to hear that you were sick, Linda. Hope that youre all better. Among the patients Ive seen several are REALLY struggling with allergies. Allergies that keep the sinuses and other parts of the upper respiratory system so inflamed that they wind up with bronchitis or sinusitis or both.
Ive really missed you guys,
Brenda I'm so happy that you are seeing outside the frames we grew up with .. it's really amazing it how much we just live to old habits .. I really found myself waking up to the idea of everything just being a habit ... and I can change habits. It just takes (1) acknowledgeing what's going on and then (2) making plans to do something different.
Your old habits are slowly moving away .. doing the gratitude is a major tool in acknowledging that you do have it so good. Very powerful tool you are using for yourself.
And I know what you mean about waiting for the shoe to drop ... I never knew when my mom would go off the deep end ... I was raised with her words ringing in my head that she hated me .. that I was stupid .. that I would never amount to anything. I lived to those words ... I believed her. Now, I know that she suffered from PMS and that when her monthly came so did the nastiness. And she'll tell you she never ever experienced PMS in her whole life. And I couldn't connect it to it cause I just believed what she always said. Duh .. sure do feel stupid ... however, we were raised never to question our parents or adults for that matter.
You do have extremely good organziational skills .. you are just letting your old habits get in your way. I mean, if you consistently received EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS then you had to do it back then. Right now your job has you jumping thru loops. First you have to figure out a way to disconnect from their negative self-abusive behaviors there and learn a whole new way of doing business. What I always told the ladies and men I mentored was .. make a list of all the qualifies and experiences you have NOW and that you will be using in your new job. That is your foundation .. that is who you are. Make yourself a little post-it note and put it up on your PC to remind yourself that you can do some things without the need for training. Now, whenever you feel overwhelmed by the newness .. just read the post-it note or do one of those tasks to help you remember that you have some major foundations skills.
Take care, Marcia
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