Replies to '08/13 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace'

I have read all the posts regarding the episode where the grandfather sexually abused his grandchild. I am appalled that this grandmother (and grandfather?) want to re-establish "family" considering what happened. I was abused for years by four of my dad's friends and his sister. I don't give crap about why they did it ! They ruined my life, caused me much financial hardship ( therapy is NOT cheap) and has affected my marriage to the point where my husband and I do not have relations. All becuase some monsters decided they had to take my innocence away just to satisfy their own greedly sexual/emotional needs.  This man has ruined that poor girls life, no matter how much therapy she gets. Sin is sin and its affect on the innocent goes way too deep to justify this man's actions for any reason !! 

 

Reconciliation ???  I see my abusers ( the ones who are still alive) on occassion and I avoid them because I will never trust them again ! And for good reason. I am fortunate to have a husband who is patient ( but cannot understand exactly what the effect this has had except for the physical evidence). The pitsy thing is that I LOVE my  husband !! He too is affected.  I have worked through many "crisis" when things are triggered by his innocent actions. I get to a place where I am "ok" and can "LIVE". Then something like this episode just triggers it all up again ! Sexual abusers are mentally sick individuals who don't give a crap about who they are abusing !!! It's all about them. They don't care about the person whose life they are ruining. It's incidious !! A virus that cannot be killed.

 

Dr. Phil...no matter how much you try and find a reason for this man's actions...DO NOT force this youngster to face this man if she does not want to !!  I felt so out of control when all this was happening to me. I can only imagine what this little one feels right now.  The bible tells us to forgive...but nothing is said about being allowed to "forget" what has happened to me, my sister, my friends, this little girl etc etc etc.  Yes, there is "healing" for the abused...but that does not have to involve seeing the sicko again and again !!  I too found myself very angry like "mama". So much that I can tell you that if ANYONE abuses any one of my three girls.........I may very well die on the spot from the rush of emotions and anger it would evoke.

 

Honestly..... I can't wait until Christ comes back and all this evil muck is gone !

 A good title' for the show: Grace must be saved, regardless of how her father or grandfather or anyone else feels about what happened, she is the one to be worried about.

 The grandmother is a piece of work - she's as guilty as grandpa, or worse.  How could she sit there and hold that guy's hand, the hand that molested her  granddaughter , look lovingly in his eyes and think everything can be ok if we all just "work through it"?  It can be ok for Grandpa and grandma, they have obviously kissed and made up, & they definitely deserve each other. But the rest of the family  do not deserve them, unless they chose to have a relationship with the creeps. 

Grace can get over this and be ok, but her father and mother are left with a lot of baggage; not much of a way to resolve this but send a Christmas card once a year - please, God, don't enclose a picture of Grace - and show up at their funerals.  If the father feels so bad, he can visit his parents by himself. He appeared to have a heavy set of blinders on, too; his mother's son.  Crying for his father, but not his daughter. Sheesh.

Having been molested as a child - I'm starting to think "weren't we all", it is very important for Grace to know that Grandpa & Grandma did a very bad thing and can't be trusted to be around her anymore.  She will understand later, if she doesn't already, and will thank her parents for putting her first. 

 I'm pretty sure my parents knew my uncle was molesting me - we lived in a tiny house with him, hard to hide the "feels in the night" and I told my Mom; but nothing was done - those things were not talked about or dealt with in those days. And my uncle later married and had daughters; I shudder to think what they went through.  I know they were molested, plus beaten and abused, but still, my parents would have him over for dinner.  Who is worse - the abuser or the ones who condone it by doing nothing?  

Grandpa has done this before, almost guarantee it; dig into and you will find some more victims, and granny knows it.  And, given the opportunity, will do it again, if not to Grace, another girl.

 Keep the jerk away from children, forever.  Who cares how he feels or what granny wants?  They have each other, and a fine pair they are; enjoy each other, but stay away from children, both of them.  Granny is as creepy and dangeous as grandpa. 

And "Todd" has me a little worried, too.  Seems to be in a fog; 2 years is plenty of time to get a handle on the seriousness of this. A responsible father and husband would never have anything to do with those creeps again; wouldn't even have to think about it.